Tips For Online Success
The art of staying connected.
Pay attention to any alerts coming from your phone. Each and every one of them should be treated as critical. Your device could light up at any moment. So, when it does? Stop whatever you’re doing. Quickly shift your gaze down like a dog finding a bone. And remember to do this every single time your phone lights up for the rest of your life. When sitting in a movie theater. If out to dinner with loved ones. Even while using the bathroom. You now have the world at your fingertips. It must remain the sole focus of your life.
When people show you who they are…believe them.
This is especially true on Facebook and Instagram. Because social media is more than just an accurate glimpse into someone’s life. It’s a window into their soul. When viewing a profile page, you are essentially a fly on the wall of that person’s home. Living their day-to-day reality with them. So, observe closely. Those images can be used as a way to increase understanding – of how you should be living. When you can see it, you can be it. And there’s no better way to compare your life to others than via high-speed internet from many miles away.
Join the AI revolution.
Technology is moving faster and faster. It’s natural to be scared of getting left behind. But we only fear what we don’t understand. So, why not dip a toe in the water? Start slowly – maybe follow a few of the beautiful AI models you see on Instagram. That’s a pleasant way to begin. Admire their glowing skin, six-pack abs, and toned arms. Soak it all up. Because, together, we humans can evolve past all the body image issues that plague us. We’ll soon move to a much better place. By trying desperately to look like the non-humans.
Keep both eyes hands on the prize.
Occasionally, on very rare occasions, your phone will emit a strange squeal. It will be an unusual sound. One that will likely confuse you for a moment. Is this some sort of emergency alert? Do machines have dying cries for help? In this moment, take a breath. Just stay calm and realize that your phone is ringing. Bizarre, I know. But a segment of the population (usually senior citizens) will still engage in old-fashioned traditions. Like verbal conversations. When this occurs, try to remain empathetic. Because boomers deserve kindness too. Just remember to have these conversations via speakerphone so your hands can keep scrolling. It’s best to stay occupied while pretending to listen.
Setting clear boundaries.
Times change. And our world continues to evolve. You no longer need to prioritize the comfort of others while denying your own needs. It’s natural to want space. Boundaries allow you to set reasonable limits. Like spending as little time in-person with other humans as you wish. Growing increasingly comfortable in isolation. Just you and your devices. Until reaching the point that you become noticeably awkward and anxious when entering actual rooms with actual people. This is what boundaries are all about.
Enter the circle of trust.
It’s easy to be jaded, right? That sort of energy is all around us. But consider the opposite. How many people really allow themselves to trust? How many stay open enough to still believe in things? We’ve all heard the famous phrase – where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And there’s such wisdom in that. Who actually has the time to spread fake rumors? Does anyone? Have faith in the sanctity of a place called the worldwide web. A place where none of the headlines you read are made up. The cyber world isn’t perfect. But it’s rooted in truth. So, allow yourself to trust it fully.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.
There’s a deep freedom in embracing our truest self. Where we have nothing to prove. Nobody to impress. We feel so much more alive in that vulnerability. Why not live your best life? Here I am. Fully exposed. Wearing my heart and soul on my sleeve. That courage should permeate throughout your social media posts. In every selfie. Nothing but the real you. With only a few minor tweaks of cropping, retouching, skin smoothing, teeth whitening, and facial adjusting. Followed by just a minimal amount of work using body slimming apps. It’s a raw glimpse at the real you. That’s true vulnerability.
Develop your sense of humor.
This requires a clever mind. A growing mastery of the ins and outs of comedy. For example, start using the word “literally” in a series of absurd ways. Posting about how you literally just died of embarrassment. Do a similar thing with the word, “objectively.” By using it so incorrectly that people will wonder if you have any idea what it even means. That’s high comedy. And, of course, always continue throwing people off with random misuse of “your” and “you’re.” This wackiness will have your followers rolling with laughter.
(Pro tip: A true comedic master will extend this into their text message conversations. You want to provide more joy to your loved ones, right? When they send you an SMS message, shoot back 7 straight texts instead of putting it all into one reply. They won’t even know what they’re replying to. But they sure as hell will know they’re in the company of a genius)
Still take time to address serious matters.
Obviously, it’s important to care about the world. If we don’t, who will? Which is why you should regularly get into political arguments on the internet. When in doubt, push harder. You’ll find that most people, on both sides of the aisle, are eager to have their minds changed. Sharing is caring. So, let your strongest opinions fly. And, beyond that, it’s what you always wanted to be when you grew up – a person who argues about politics with strangers. Now, this isn’t for the faint of heart. You might feel something in the pit of your stomach when you realize the person you’ve been shouting at for an hour is a child. Keep your chin up. True confidence is winning an argument with a fifth grader and then drinking a celebratory beer. In some circles, this is known as “living the dream.”
Stand up for the little guy.
Will life ever be perfect? Of course not. So, be the change you want to see in the world. Call out all the privilege around you. Shout it out loudly. From your air-conditioned home. Using your state-of-the-art smartphone. Between episodes of the new series you’ve been binging on one of your streaming services. Just don’t forget to add hashtags. They are the absolute foundation of creating real change in any society.
#changetheworld
#blessed
