Recently, I have been wrestling with what feels to me like a conundrum–motherhood and discipleship, giving freely when your responsibility is to guard and provide, being anxious for nothing while still keeping the home…
In a recent sermon our pastor challenged us to give our best to God. What is my best? I wondered. I am not producing much of anything–almost no income, and little of anything else that God wants, it would seem. My garden bounty is minimal… my cooking skills? Very small… I am not artistic.
My nursing skills lie side-lined, before they were fully developed. I am not a dedicated writer, pumping out regular pages of convicting and God-honoring truths. And when I think of delving into any of these talents more, or pushing my husband to move us to the mission field, or throwing myself into some other work of ministry… I feel a sense of caution. I know, deep in my heart, (even when I dislike it) that my first calling right now is to love my husband and my children and to keep home.
But how does one follow Christ in that? He never kept home and children. He commanded us to leave our families to follow him. And my children and marriage–they are the best things I have been given. But I cannot just sacrifice them on the altar of service to Jesus–in some strange way, they must be my service to Jesus. And yet do not even the publicans take care of their own children? How is that discipleship?
How do I let tomorrow take thought for its own things when I am responsible to make sure the laundry is done, and the groceries are bought so my children and husband have clothes to wear and food to eat? How do I crucify my flesh when I need to rest, and eat regularly, and take my pills so I can have a healthy pregnancy and be well enough to care for my family? How do I go out and make disciples of all nations when most of the time I stay with my children within the boundaries of our home, and some days never even see anyone besides them and my husband?
I lose my way in these thoughts some days–perhaps like many other moms. My mind spins, and I think I am stuck–unable to offer anything to Jesus, because it’s all been taken by my family. I focus on production instead of crucifixion; I think in terms of results instead of realizing that death produces life and that only through God.
And so, as a mother, I give my talents and my dreams to Jesus–some of the best years I have to offer. I give them to him and tell him I will serve my Him through serving my family, instead of building a career and a name. I give him my body and let Him change me through sleepless nights and months of sickness–because He can use even that cross to bring a resurrection if I let Him. I tell Him about the laundry and the groceries, and tell Him that I know He can provide for us in the times when I feel I am failing and not reaching around. I serve the small ones and make them my disciples, and hope that one day they become His. I teach, and I pray.
I reach beyond this humdrum and this routine–the dishes and the meltdowns… and I ask Him to fill me with His Spirit right here, to show Him what else I can give Him, to work through me even in the boundaries of my small world. I read His Word and ask Him to show me more and more what it means to follow Him in every aspect of life–
Out there on the mission field… or right here, as a stay-at-home mom.
I thought I would share this for Mother’s Day, but Mother’s Day is past and gone. But we moms are still here being moms… Experienced moms, please share in the comments! How does a young mom follow Christ whole-heartedly on the days when she feels her desire to follow Christ is buried in motherhood?
