I’ve been in business with my dad, Gary, for 19 years as soon as we enter November. I’m 46. Before that, I worked in his business, probably starting at 6 or 7, consistently through high school, then again for a year or so after a short-lived college attempt. I’ve been working for, or with, my dad for over half my life. In many cases it seems our primary relationship is business partners, not father-son. In fact, I don’t think either of us really know what a father-son relationship is without work. This is how I know life.
I’m sure you’ve heard family businesses are hard. Sure can be. Maybe you know from direct experience. I’ve floated between appreciation, resentment, joy, anger and everything in between.
I recently shifted to mostly appreciation. As I stopped believing what I thought my dad ‘should’ be and started accepting him exactly how he is, I began to see his genius. He’s like a fuckin’ Mr. Miyagi from the appreciative perspective. I think I’m waxing on and waxing off and he’s tricked me into training for business success. He says things that the defiant son in me brushes off as a stupid comment from a man too old to get it. Then, months later, I see the genius. Damn it, all this wisdom I’ve been forsaking. And, he has some pretty zany ideas, so taking them at face value is at least as dangerous as dismissing his insights. Mr. Miyagi, damn you.
Beyond all the guidance and wisdom, he has a particular way to see the best possible outcome when that is just what’s needed. Walk him into a room full of horse shit, he’ll say, there is a horse in here for me somewhere.
Recently, I got our business into a partnership with another organization that looked really good. It fit our needs and our capacities really well. Fast forward 6 months, all is well except that the cash is not flowing. I did a poor job of including Gary and my team in the process and conversation of this cash backslide. We have sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars into this partnership with few, if any, guarantees.
“Oh god, what have I done?! When I told my dad,
he said “cool, now you’ve got a stake in their business!”
“Wait, wtf did you just say?” I thought to myself.
Then it dawned on me. I’ve been losing sleep for weeks worried I may lose my business, our business and he steps in to point out I may have just got another one. Mr. Miyagi. And wait a damn second, I’m not sure I wanted another business and that bastard Gary always does. Mr. Miyagi.
I’m here expressing my gratitude to my dad, business partner and the one who mentored me in making a business that has heart. I am done ignoring his decades of business wisdom. Well, I’m done ignoring his wisdom most of the time, when I can keep that rebellious little rascal of me making sense of the world rather than rejecting how it is.
Go thank your dad. He’s got genius you may not see yet and he’s done the best he can for you. Probably.
