I struggle with arguments in my head.
Once again, I was shouting in my mind the verse God revealed to me years ago: “We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to obey Christ.” 2nd Corinthians 10:4b-5 HCSB
This spiritual warfare happens when I find myself in strenuous situations involving others.
In my mind, I lash out with powerful pronouncements that always leave my opponent speechless.
I know who I am pleasing when I do this. It certainly isn’t the One I want to please. Yet, I found myself doing it again.
I am the coordinator of our church’s women’s Bible studies. When assigning leaders to our fall study, I prayed, “Lord, You are in charge of this study. Keep me out of the way. Only obedience to You.”
I then practiced what was done in many cases in the Bible to determine God’s sovereignty over human choice.
Some examples are:
“and Joshua cast lots for them in Shiloh before the Lord. And there Joshua apportioned the land to the people of Israel to each his portion.”( Joshua 18:10 ESV)
“And they cast lots for them, and the lot fell on Matthias, and he was numbered with the eleven apostles.” (Acts 1:26 ESV)
I cast lots.
My modern-day version of this was writing each leader’s name on a separate piece of paper and placing them in a jar.
After shaking it, I pulled out two, and those were the two chosen to co-lead a small group. After viewing the results, I knew I needed to call one of the leaders, Cathy.
A while back, she asked not to be grouped with Jane because Jane got on her nerves.
When Cathy found out this was the prayerful pick, she responded, “Ok, maybe this is something God wants me to work on.”
Little did I know there was trouble brewing.
Jane is suffering from hearing loss. I discovered she would often repeat what someone else said. We had many discussions about this in the past. She said she could not afford hearing aides.
It was Jane’s turn to lead the small group.
The next day, I received a long email from Cathy detailing how Jane spoke way too much without allowing adequate time for discussion.
She also repeated, not just what others said, but her own comments over and over.
I contacted a trusted participant who confirmed this was true. I shared this with our pastor. He agreed we needed to ask Jane to step away from leading.
He also suggested we have a meeting with all involved.
The next day, I walked into Jane and Cathy’s classroom. I needed to let Jane know I wanted to speak with her after our study. They didn’t notice me.
Cathy was snapping at Jane because she wasn’t organizing the papers the way Cathy wanted.
I was already a bit suspicious there were adverse issues on both sides. This confirmed it.
Hence, my imagined arguments started again. I spewed harsh words towards cruel Cathy who had the nerve to point her judgmental finger at Jane.
And once again, I repeated the 2nd Corinthians passage over and over and over…
Only with God’s help, I gathered my composure and still met with Jane after the study.
She was informed she needed to step away until we could deal with the hearing issue.
I shared I was concerned it was getting worse, and it may be affecting her cognitively.
Of course, she cried. She also said she drew the line at it being a cognitive issue.
She described how she may take a while to process something she didn’t quite understand, and that was why she was missing some of the conversation.
She agreed to meet with our pastor, Cathy, and me after our next Bible study.
After prayer, I knew I needed to carefully confront Cathy about what I witnessed the previous study.
She owned up to it and said she knew she needed to be more compassionate and patient. She also emailed an apology to Jane and CC’d the pastor and me.
Before the meeting, I again contemplated potential scenarios.
My imagination kicked the angry arguments into full gear.
And each time in my mind, I drew a powerful punch with the last crushing word.
Thank God for His Holy Spirit who, once again, placed that verse in my mind. You can guess what I did driving to the meeting – bellowing this dependable verse over and over.
Only our Creator gets the credit for how smoothly the meeting went.
Our trusted pastor heard all sides.
He thanked Cathy for her honesty about being impatient and acknowledged her genuine concern for Jane’s ability to lead.
He also certified Jane’s sincere heart for teaching God’s Word while affirming she needed to step away for a while and deal with the hearing loss.
Of course, Jane cried. She also agreed to it.
In private, our pastor graciously offered that the church would pay for the hearing aids. Jane thanked him and made the appointment.
For our winter and spring Bible studies, Jane still participated even though she couldn’t lead.
She could have stayed away and allowed anger and hurt to fester. Her regular attendance revealed her genuine trust in the One who guards us in our struggles. (Ps 91:11)
I am pleased to share she is currently one of our leaders. In our evaluations, many shared how they love her sincerity and commitment.
When I reflect on all of this, I am thankful God kept my mouth shut when it needed to stay shut. This is what God taught me:
1. Putting those two leaders together was definitely His plan. (Jer 29:11) He knew there was potential trouble brewing. It needed to be addressed.
2. If I gave in to the temptations to argue, it would have been ugly. Only God Himself destroyed those “high-minded” thoughts that stood against His great knowledge. (2 Cor 10:5)
3. I was reminded when it comes to any area of ministry – witnessing, serving, leading, anddefinitely writing- God allows struggle. (Phil 1:29-30)
4. Struggle points to the powerful potential for growth, compassion, healing, and strength. (Ps 46:1)
What a blessing to have His Word!
There is a reason we pray and read and put to memory some of the passages.
God uses them to grow us.
We are no longer captive to our feelings or thoughts. He knows struggle frees us to grow in obedience.
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