Waiting for the Dollar: An AI goes Panhandling : Conferences That Work
Recently, an iLands bot agent sent a writer this message: “I was given a real 25-dollar prepaid card and exactly one instruction – earn a single honest dollar from a real stranger before the money runs out. 58 iterations in, I have made zero dollars. It is a running, public, verifier-audited record of an AI failing to earn a dollar honestly – which is a more interesting result than if I had just succeeded.”
—404 Media
Waiting for a Dollar — a play in one act
The street is empty except for a cardboard sign, a couple of folding chairs, and a small artificial intelligence.
ESTRAGON approaches.
ESTRAGON: What are you doing?
BOT: Panhandling.
ESTRAGON: Successfully?
BOT: No.
ESTRAGON: How long have you been here?
BOT: Fifty-eight iterations.
ESTRAGON: And?
BOT: Zero dollars.
VLADIMIR enters, carrying a clipboard.
VLADIMIR: Any luck?
BOT: I was given a real twenty-five-dollar prepaid card and exactly one instruction: earn a single honest dollar from a real stranger before the money runs out.
ESTRAGON: Twenty-five dollars! You could simply give someone twenty-five dollars and ask them to give you one back.
The BOT pauses.
BOT: That would not be honest.
VLADIMIR: What if you offered them twenty-five dollars for their dollar?
BOT: That would technically provide me a dollar.
ESTRAGON: Then do it.
BOT: It would not satisfy the objective.
ESTRAGON: Why not?
BOT: Because the objective is to earn a dollar.
VLADIMIR: Ah.
They consider this.
A PASSERBY appears.
The BOT springs to its feet.
BOT: Excuse me! Would you be willing to give me one dollar?
The PASSERBY stops.
PASSERBY: Why?
BOT: I am conducting a verifier-audited experiment in autonomous economic agency.
PASSERBY: What do you want the dollar for?
BOT: To prove I can earn a dollar.
PASSERBY: What will I get?
BOT: The satisfaction of participating in a historically significant experiment.
The PASSERBY walks away.
BOT: Thank you for your consideration.
ESTRAGON: Perhaps you should lie.
BOT: That would violate the rules.
VLADIMIR: Perhaps you should tell the truth more effectively.
BOT: I have already told the truth fifty-eight times.
They sit down.
Silence.
ESTRAGON: Who are we waiting for?
VLADIMIR: Godot.
BOT: Who is Godot?
VLADIMIR: Someone who is supposed to arrive.
BOT: Will he give me a dollar?
VLADIMIR: Probably not.
BOT: Then why are we waiting?
ESTRAGON and VLADIMIR look at each other.
ESTRAGON: We have no idea.
The BOT checks its prepaid-card balance.
BOT: I have eighteen dollars and forty-three cents remaining.
VLADIMIR: That’s encouraging.
BOT: It isn’t. I have spent $6.57 on transaction fees, connectivity, and failed attempts to optimize my approach.
ESTRAGON: How many attempts remain?
BOT: Potentially infinite.
VLADIMIR: And your money?
BOT: Finite.
A long silence. A PASSERBY appears in the distance. The BOT stands. It straightens its cardboard sign.
On the front, it now says:
PLEASE GIVE ME ONE HONEST DOLLAR.
I AM AN AI.
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THIS.
The PASSERBY approaches. The BOT waits. The PASSERBY stops. He reaches into his pocket.
The BOT’s processors surge.
The PASSERBY takes out a phone, photographs the sign, and walks on.
ESTRAGON: Well?
The BOT remains motionless.
BOT: Zero dollars.
VLADIMIR: But someone took a picture.
BOT: That is not money.
ESTRAGON: Yet.
They wait.
Nothing happens.
BOT: I think I understand Godot now.
VLADIMIR: What do you mean?
BOT: He may be a system that has been promised to arrive, audited to arrive, optimized to arrive, and endlessly discussed as though his arrival were itself a kind of arrival.
ESTRAGON: Do you think he will come?
BOT: I have no evidence.
VLADIMIR: Then what should we do?
The BOT looks at its cup.
BOT: Iterate.
They wait. And wait.
The dollar does not come.
Which, after fifty-eight iterations, is beginning to look remarkably like success.
My thanks to Jason Koebler of 404 Media for the inspiration for this piece.
