Back in elementary school, aside from the usual answers of “I want to be a doctor when I grow up”, I wanted to be a full-time author.
But even before that dream, I wanted to be an artist/painter.
I can’t remember exactly when that dream became my dream. The only summer activities I really stuck to without quitting was art classes.
I’d tried ballet but quit right before our recital.
There was a summer I got into tennis because my crush was a tennis athlete.
But art?
It was something I discovered I loved on my own, and enjoyed doing.
So much so that I wanted to make a living selling paintings.
But as I grew up, I discovered more interests like reading and writing.
Then I wanted to become a full-time author.
I may not be a full-time author, but I did keep the promise I made to myself: I published a book.
Even if it took more than a decade, I’m so glad and proud of myself for following through, albeit it took becoming a kpop fan and my ult group to finally give me that nudge to keep going even if I’d had countless rejections looking for an agent.
I did go full-time with my blog in 2020, but we all know what happened in 2020. So it took a backseat after a while when I needed more stable sources of income.
Then I discovered UGC work and pivoted to video content.
It was something I never thought I’d be doing since I was a writer.
Now I’m a vlogger? I mean, yes, I did start a YouTube channel back in 2016 because I was inspired by vloggers like Zoella who documented their daily life. But I was so, so shy!
If you watch my first few videos, I don’t at all sound like me. I was soft spoken. Don’t ask me what the heck that accent was. I like to call it the shy accent.
So I focused on blogging. And I blog continuously for years and years.
From my own blogs, a travel + music blog to writing for local online concert publications, managing the school magazine in College, I was focused on writing.
Then during the pandemic, as is the story with most TikTokers, I opened a TikTok account. One of my best friends had been telling me to get on TikTok as early as 2020, but Izzy back then was still so camera shy.
Again, it took my love for Astro and wanting to be noticed by my ult kpop group to get over that shyness and open an account because I wanted to join the “One” dance challenge.
At first I started posting TikToks about blogging since my blog taught others how to blog (I even had a course back then on Skillshare but impulse deleted it, which I regret! Maybe it’s time to bring it back) alongside writing about travelling.
But naturally it became a place for me to share my love for KDramas and KPop and that’s when I had my first viral video.
This year, I finally hit 10,000 followers on TikTok, 11,000 on Facebook and 8,000 on Instagram.
Can you believe the girl who was SHY to be on camera was now a digital content creator making videos?
And posting videos had landed me UGC work that I became a full-time UGC creator.
But with that, meant blogging, writing, ready, had unconsciously taken a backseat. I was all-in on my work both UGC and growing my accounts as an influencer.
However, lately I’m being called to go back to my first loves like writing, reading, blogging and yes, even painting.
Back in High School, I could finish reading a novel in under a day.
The other day I picked up my Kindle and started reading Twilight because I wanted to know what I’d feel as an adult reading Twilight again.
I did get to finish the book in two days.
A little before that, I remember wanting to paint again.
Maybe it’s because I need a break from social media. Or maybe I’m craving for the simplicity of the past.
No instant messages.
No Viber notifications or being available anytime.
Pure nostalgia.
Part of it, I must admit, has been because my comfort bias, Seventeen’s THE8, but I call him Minghao, has been sharing his past hobbies of going to museums, painting and drinking tea.
I also used to love going to museums. My travel itinerary always had at least one museum visit!
I thought about how I used to love doing so many things and how I had time for them.
At least more time back then compared to now where time seems to move so fast.
And after all, I did want to make a full-time living as a painter back when I was in elementary school.
So I find myself drawn (pun intended) to painting.
I had let go of my old art supplies during the pandemic citing that the spark was no longer there.
But when I finally felt that nudge to create, to draw, to paint.. I had no supplies.
The good news is that I did buy art supplies again.
I just want it to be like it once was.
Maybe I’ll post my drawings/paintings one day… or maybe I won’t.
Maybe I’ll try again to reach for that dream of getting paid to make art..
Or maybe I’ll let it stay an outlet.
But what I’m most happy about is that the nudge is there.
So I’m going to follow it.
Just like how I felt the nudge to write this piece.
And slowly get back to the things I once loved.
It’s time to get back together.
