You know that feeling when you’re sitting in a meeting, nodding along, but deep down, you’re thinking, any second now, they’re going to realize I have no idea what I’m doing. Or when your kid’s teacher asks for a volunteer for the class party, and despite organizing three weddings (one of which was your own), you panic and think, I am completely unqualified to buy juice boxes and napkins.
Congratulations, my friend! You may be suffering from Imposter Syndrome.
In short, Imposter Syndrome is the persistent belief that you’re a fraud and everyone around you is merely moments away from uncovering your deep, dark secret: that you actually aren’t qualified to do what you’re doing, despite all evidence to the contrary. First coined in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, Imposter Syndrome tends to strike high achievers, perfectionists, and those who have watched one too many TED Talks on self-improvement.
Experts believe Imposter Syndrome stems from childhood expectations, societal pressures, and the sheer fact that humans are very, very good at comparing themselves to others. Throw in a dash of social media (where everyone’s vacation photos look like a travel magazine and no one ever posts about their kid’s grocery store meltdown), and you’ve got a recipe for self-doubt.
But here’s the thing. For me, imposter syndrome isn’t a fleeting moment of self-doubt. It’s a gnawing, insidious voice that creeps in when you least expect it, convincing you that every success you’ve had was by chance, every compliment you’ve received was out of politeness, and that any second now, the world will see you for the fraud you truly are. It’s not simply self-deprecating humor, it’s a cycle of fear and anxiety that can chip away at your confidence, your ambition, and even your mental health.
Imposter Syndrome often feels like being stuck in an endless loop of self-doubt and anxiety. It usually starts with an accomplishment or a new challenge, which should be a confidence boost but instead, panic sets in. You convince yourself that success was a fluke, that you got lucky, or that someone made a mistake in giving you the opportunity. Instead of feeling proud, you feel like you need to prove yourself all over again, so you overcompensate by working late, obsessing over every detail, or procrastinating out of sheer overwhelm. And then, if things go well, you brush it off as luck. If they don’t, it only reinforces the belief that you were never qualified in the first place. The fear of failure isn’t only uncomfortable — it can be paralyzing.
Imposter Syndrome doesn’t only lurk in the workplace, it follows you home, crashes social gatherings, and even sneaks into the school drop-off line. No matter where you are, it has a way of making you question whether you truly belong.
- At Work: You’ve been promoted! Instead of celebrating, you’re convinced HR made a clerical error and any day now, they’ll rescind the offer. You triple-check your emails, expecting one that says, “Oops, our bad! That was meant for the other Sarah.”
- At Home: Your house is standing, your children are fed, and you even remembered pajama day at school. But because you let your kids play Roblox while you answer emails instead of engaging in an elaborate, hands-on STEM craft, you feel like you’ve failed Parenting 101.
- With Friends: Your friend ran a half-marathon while you struggle to carry in all your grocery bags at once (because, obviously, two trips is for quitters). As they discuss their “runner’s high,” you wonder if getting winded going up the stairs means you should be disqualified from friendship altogether.
- At Your Child’s School: You signed up to bring cupcakes for the bake sale. Then Karen shows up with handcrafted fondant masterpieces that belong on The Great British Baking Show. Meanwhile, your store-bought cookies are still in the plastic container, making you question your very existence as a parent.
- On Social Media: You post a cute family photo, but within minutes, you’re spiraling. Why does everyone else look effortlessly put together? You zoom in, oh no, is that a laundry pile in the background? Surely, everyone else has life figured out except for you.
- In Hobbies: You finally decided to take up painting! But after scrolling through Instagram and seeing an 8-year-old create a masterpiece that could hang in the Louvre, you wonder why you even bothered and silently tuck the paint brushes away.
Now that we’ve thoroughly examined all the ways we can feel like a failure, let’s talk about ways to shut that nonsense down and reclaim your confidence! I won’t pretend to be an expert on overcoming Imposter Syndrome because I still find myself paralyzed by it more often than I’d like to admit. But through trial, error, and a few deep breaths, I’ve found some strategies that help keep my unempowering inner dialogue in check.
- Talk About It: The quickest way to deflate Imposter Syndrome is to drag it into the light. Talk to a friend, coworker, or mentor, and chances are, they’ll admit they’ve felt the same way. It’s oddly comforting to learn that even the most confident-seeming people are making it up as they go along.
- Keep a Success Journal: Your brain is great at remembering every mistake, but conveniently forgets all the times you crushed it. Start keeping track of your wins, no matter how small. That email where your boss said, “Great job!”? Screenshot it! That project you pulled off despite the odds? Write it down. Proof of your competence is a powerful thing.
- Stop Comparing: Karen’s cupcakes are not a reflection of your worth. Social media is a highlight reel, and everyone’s got their own struggles. Because someone else is excelling in one area doesn’t mean you’re failing in yours.
- Accept That Everyone is Faking it a Little: Your friend who always seems effortlessly social? Probably replayed that one awkward thing they said 17 times before falling asleep last night. Your coworker who always has the right answer? Might be madly typing queries into a GPT to form their pithy responses. That Instagram mom with the picture-perfect family? Took 57 photos to get one where her kids weren’t screaming. The truth is, we’re all working hard to do our best, even if it looks easy for some.
- Embrace the “Yet” Mentality: If you don’t know how to do something, remind yourself you don’t know it yet. You’re still learning, growing, and figuring things out like everyone else. Progress, not perfection, is the goal.
While these strategies offer reasonable steps to manage and reduce the impact of imposter syndrome, the journey doesn’t end with simply applying a few techniques. True progress comes from consistently challenging the thoughts and behaviors that fuel those feelings of inadequacy. By continuing to confront imposter syndrome head-on, we pave the way for long-term growth, self-acceptance, and ultimately, the ability to thrive without the uninvited, unempowering guest showing up to the party.
Now, I challenge you to take one bold step this week that your imposter syndrome tells you you’re not ready for yet. Speak up in that meeting, submit the application, say yes to the opportunity that scares you. Face your uninvited guest head-on and remind it that while doubt may show up, it doesn’t get to make the decisions. You are more capable than you give yourself credit for, and the only way to prove it—to yourself and the world—is to step forward anyway. Because the truth is, you’re not an imposter. You’re someone who is still learning to own their greatness.
Until I’m feeling “qualified” to write again,
Sarah
