We place a lot of importance on fostering and nurturing community, here at StageMilk. A lot of that is to do with the fact that we are, ourselves, a community—populated by an incredible global network of actors and related creatives. But we also understand that community for actors is a vital component in a lasting career, not to mention the day-to-day wellbeing of individuals who face rejection and uncertainty in a constant barrage. Let’s talk about how to make actor friends.
Friendships for actors can be difficult to form and maintain, particularly when they meet on a shared job and then move on to different opportunities. However, it is important to learn how to make actor friends, as they can provide support and perspective on career highs and lows a performer is sure to encounter.
In this article, we’ll talk about some tactics for forming strong bonds. But before we start, let’s lead with this: you don’t have to be friends with an actor you meet simply because they do what you do. Nor do you have to like every actor you work or study with. But in business, friendship—or the lack thereof—it always pays to be courteous. Aim to be polite and generous, and the good sorts out there will flock to you.
Do I Need To Make Actor Friends?
Look. Nobody’s forcing you; there are no rules about socialising for actors. You may already have a vibrant community of family and friends that cheer on your every decision!
The difference with actor friends is this: they get it. They understand the life and career of an actor, and all of the terrible and wonderful things that entails. They asked themselves “Should I Become an Actor?”, just like you did, and answered with a resounding, solid yes.
So at the times in your life when the industry is getting you down, actor friends will be able to support you. They’ll know what to say better than the most loving, supporting parent or partner—who will eventually wonder why it is you put yourself through all the pain of an artist.
Study Together
One of the best ways to make actor friends is to study together. You’ll form some of the tightest, longest-lasting friendships at drama school. Not just because you share interests and a dog-eared copy of Macbeth, but because stressful situations tend to bond people together. Think war, family Christmas or being stranded in the snow after a plane crash.
If a full-time drama school course isn’t/wasn’t your path, you can still seek out friendships with actors you study with. Take an acting class, brush up your skills and meet some new people. This is a particularly useful route for actors who have returned to their craft after taking a break. Make new friends, and catch up on the industry in the process.
Theatre Families
You’ll make actor friends like crazy when you start doing theatre. You’ll have a chance to spend a lot of time with your fellow cast and creatives, sometimes months before opening night, which makes for plenty of opportunities to be social and support one another.
Theatre bonds tend to form quickly and strongly. However, without the regular structure of rehearsal or performance, these bonds tend to evaporate quickly after a production. This is not to say the friendships are flimsy, rather that the next project/milestone beckons actors, and such a life tends to pull people into the next theatre family they might join.
So if you strike something friendly up with a fellow castmate, be sure and put in the legwork to keep the friendship going.
Film Set Families
Film sets can be volatile places to make actor friends. What they lack in the lead-in of a theatre project they make up for with intensity. You could be working extremely long hours on a distant location shoot—with little else to do but make small talk with the other actors.
Location shoots, in particular, tend to be bonding exercises. You’ll tear into a town like the circus, and usually spend all your non-working time either sleeping or hanging out. Such times take a lot out of you … but they’re also a perfect time to make some memories and earn some great stories to tell.
Much like with theatre, film set friendships can burn brightly but briefly. Put in the effort to stay in touch, especially if you’re from different cities or countries.
Scene Study and Audition Prep
So far, our focus in this article has been on meeting actors you might strike up a friendship with. And so far, these have been study or work related. But what about the opportunities to make actor friends that aren’t related to your latest gig? To speak frankly: what about the 90% of your time when you’re not stepping onto set to play your dream role?
Maintain relationships with actor friends and your artistic community by helping each other with your craft. If an actor you know is looking for a reader for an audition, or some help filming a self-tape, put your hand up to help them out! Such efforts are always appreciated, and usually mean you can call in a favour in kind down the line.
Another terrific social thing you can do with actor friends is to organise a scene study. And if that sounds a little too much like we’re setting you homework, relax. Grab a few pizzas, have people meet at yours with bottles of cheap red wine and read through a classic play together. You’ll improve your craft, deepen your knowledge of the canon and have a helluva time, all in one go.
Honestly, for all the on-set adventures and shows you can do with other actors? The quiet times, the lean times, are some of the best. It’s when you truly bond with somebody on the same bumpy road.
Non-Actor Activities
Now for a real one-eighty. You want to know the best way to make actor friends? Take acting out of the equation entirely.
Connect with your industry peers on shared interests, passions, hobbies. When you’re getting to know another actor, particularly one with greater industry status than you, talking constantly about the biz can feel like you only see them as the actor—not the person. However, find something you can both talk about with absolutely no relevance to your career, and suddenly you share something as people. As equals.
If you’re not sure what they’re into, then ask. Show an interest in who they are and what drives them, and they’ll tend to meet you half way.
What Happens if I Get Jealous?
Jealousy is something that a lot of actors tend to feel and never talk about. It’s a consuming thing if you’re not careful, and here at StageMilk we take it seriously enough that we gave the topic its very own article.
If you let jealousy motivate you to emotion and action in your career, you’ll tend to think of your fellow actors as competitors, rather than potential friends. Work at swapping the narrative on this: focus yourself on the destination not the end result, and remind yourself that every actor gets their ‘turn’. Applaud your actor friends today, and they’ll do the same for you tomorrow.
And don’t forget that jealousy is a universal part of being an actor, artist and human being. Don’t be ashamed of it, acknowledge it. If you’re feeling especially evolved, you could even talk with the person giving you those feelings in order to clear the air.
Non-Actor Friends
Finally, let’s return to the subject of the non-actors in your life. Now that you’ve made all the industry bosom buddies you could ever hope for, your civilian friends and family might lose their shine a little…
Cut this notion out of your thoughts immediately. It’s very easy for emerging actors—be they young, new to the biz or studying in a fancy drama school—to cocoon themselves in their industry colleagues and leave their muggle circles behind. In the moment it feels great. It sort of legitimises you and makes you think: “Now I’m really a part of this world.” However, in the long run, it has an isolating effect.
You can lose support of people who love you because they believe you’ve moved on from them. And you can damage friendships and relationships this way, sometimes without hope for repair.
So maintain your relationships, wherever they might pop up. Make room for new friends, and new types of friends. But don’t forget the people who were there even before you started on your acting journey. Odds are they were the ones who supported you to take the first step.
Conclusion
So there you have it: our complete guide on how to make actor friends! To wrap up, let us return to one of the very first points we made in this article. Be kind, compassionate and generous. Ask questions, be curious. Be the exact kind of person you’d want approaching and talking to you. Because that’s exactly the kind of actor who makes connections. (It’s also exactly the kind of actor whose work signals that they’re not only accomplished, but that they’re a hoot to work with.)
Actors make some of the kindest, most thoughtful and loyal friends you’ll ever encounter. They’re full of hope, full of energy, and they have the right pinch of cynicism for when you need a well-earned mope about the state of the industry. They’ll not only help and support your career, they’ll make your life better. And you, in turn, will do the same for them.
Sounds a treat, right?
