For cohabitating couples, moving in together is a big step that brings both excitement and challenges. Whether you’re settling into an apartment in Cleveland, a home in Dallas, or a condo in Seattle, it’s crucial to plan ahead and discuss everything from finances to shared responsibilities. Open communication, mutual respect, and compromise will help create a balanced and harmonious living environment. This guide provides valuable insights to help cohabitating couples navigate this transition with confidence and success.
Plan ahead
Before moving in together, it’s important to have open conversations about what sharing a home will look like. Planning ahead can help prevent misunderstandings and make the transition smoother. From discussing household responsibilities to aligning on design choices, taking the time to set expectations ensures that both partners feel heard and valued. Experts emphasize the importance of communication and collaboration in creating a shared space that feels like home for both of you.
“Planning ahead is crucial when cohabitating as a couple. It’s important to be mindful of the final goal: sharing a common space with your partner. Taking time to discuss preferences and style choices before the move can help set expectations and prevent conflicts later. Actively participating in the process of choosing your space together strengthens your partnership.” – Olga Kilstein, PSYD, Clinical Psychologist and Founder of Chicago Family Therapy Center
“I encourage the couples I work with to take time to reflect on what they each want and then talk about what a typical weekday and weekend would look like for them. This conversation helps lay the foundation for shared routines, such as handling chores, spending quality time together, and nurturing individual interests. Additionally, moving into a new place together instead of one person’s existing apartment can make it feel more like a shared home, helping to prevent an imbalance of control over the space.” – Lydia Filazzola, LMFT, Owner & Therapist, Poised Chapters, PLLC
Discuss finances
Money matters can be a major stressor for couples moving in together, so having open and honest conversations early on is key. Beyond just splitting rent, discussing shared expenses, budgeting, and financial priorities will help set a strong foundation. Establishing a plan that feels fair to both partners ensures financial harmony and allows you to focus on building a home together.
“When combining your lives under one roof, it’s more than just splitting expenses or the mortgage. It’s essential to understand your partner’s values and motivations behind money so you can communicate effectively. This helps create a solid financial foundation, allowing you to dream and plan together for a lifetime.” – Kristiana Daniels, CFP®, EA, BFA™, Financial Advisor, Fiduciary Financial Advisors
“If you’re not married, it’s a good idea to keep your finances separate but agree on a fair way to split bills. One approach is to divide expenses based on your individual earnings, with those earning more contributing a higher percentage. This keeps shared costs manageable for both partners while maintaining financial independence. Clear communication is crucial to avoid misunderstandings.” – Karen Hackman, Finance Coach, Money and Marriage
“It’s important to discuss money and budget early on. Beyond rent, you’ll need to consider all shared household expenses, like utilities, food, streaming services, and Wi-Fi. Will you split these costs 50-50? Also, how do these new expenses fit with your individual commitments, like student loans or credit card debt? Being clear about what you both can truly afford from the start will help set a strong foundation for long-term household happiness.” – Ian Gillespie, President, IGG Software/Banktivity, banktivity.com
Take care of your bodies when moving
Moving into a new home together can be exciting but physically demanding, so make sure you’re up to the task:. “Lifting heavy boxes and rearranging furniture can lead to neck, back, or shoulder strain. To avoid injury, remember to lift only what you can carry, use a hand truck or cart for heavier items, and ensure boxes are placed at an easy height to avoid bending too much. If you feel pain or discomfort, stop immediately and consider seeing a physical therapist, who can guide you on recovery and further steps.” –- Zubin Tantra PT, DPT, FAAOMPT, Lake County Physical Therapy LLC
Combine your décor
One of the most important things to consider when moving into a new space is how you plan to decorate. When moving in with a partner, you’ll likely bring items from your previous homes, making mismatched patterns and clashing styles inevitable. Take the time to sit down as a couple and discuss your vision for your shared space.
“Decide together on practical details such as who gets which office, closet space, drawers, or even who gets which side of the bed. While these decisions may seem minor, addressing them proactively can prevent unnecessary conflict in the future.” – Jaime Bronstein, Licensed Relationship Therapist and Author of “MAN*ifesting“
Maintain good communication
Maintaining good communication is key when sharing a space with your partner. It’s important to discuss expectations and boundaries early on to avoid misunderstandings. Clear, open dialogue helps ensure you’re both on the same page and can navigate any challenges that arise together.
“My best advice is to have conversations about everything you can think of before moving in together. This includes topics like relationship roles, budgeting, pet and child care, and when or how to have friends over. In my experience, discussing these things beforehand leads to a smoother transition. Waiting until after you’re living together to have these conversations can lead to feelings of betrayal for one or both partners.” – Yvonne Judge, IMFT, Revitalize You
“First, I encourage couples to have a deeper conversation about the vision for their shared life. Specifically, how do they want to feel about the relationship now that they’ve merged their lives? How will their shared space reflect that relationship? What will be included, and just as importantly, what will be left out?
To have these types of discussions, couples should create an emotionally inviting environment where both partners can express their true feelings and be open to each other’s perspectives. These skills are essential for any important collaborative process between partners.” – Ebru Halper, LPC/LMHC, Westport Couples Counseling, LLC
Handle conflicts with care
As differences arise, it’s important to approach disagreements with understanding and empathy. Instead of insisting on seeing things the same way, focus on listening without judgment and fostering a collaborative mindset. Recognizing that you’re a team, you can tackle challenges by working together and building a strong foundation of trust and respect.
“When couples move in together, they’ll quickly realize they see the process differently, as each person’s background shapes their perspective. Recognizing these differences is key. Rather than insisting on seeing things the same way, they should focus on listening without judgment and being curious about each other’s point of view. This creates a collaborative approach, turning challenges into opportunities to co-create and solve problems together. It’s about connecting through dialogue, not parallel monologues, to work as partners, not opponents.” – Harville Hendrix, Harville and Helen
“Disagreements will come, try to avoid using ‘all or nothing’ language such as always, never when discussing challenges, remember that you are a team that requires each person. Consider counseling individually or together before conflict arises so that you can create a strong foundation and help build skills and tools that cultivate a strong relationship.” – Learning Dreams LLC
Work together
When you start cohabitating, it’s essential to work as a team. From the practical aspects of sharing space to handling conflicts, collaborating effectively will set the foundation for a harmonious relationship. Open communication and mutual respect are key to navigating the challenges and celebrating the joys of merging lives.
“When moving in together, the most important thing is ensuring both of you feel heard and understood, even with your differences. You’ll likely have varying ideas about cleanliness, how to decorate, and how to spend time together. The key is making sure your partner feels respected and loved, despite these differences. When you both feel that your perspectives are valued, the small differences won’t matter as much. One helpful tool is having a weekly “state of the union” meeting (a method from Gottman Couples Therapy), where you each express five things you appreciate about one another, one issue that needs to be discussed, and how your partner can help improve it.” – Dr. Tasha Seiter, MS, PhD, LMFT, Marriage Counselling Fort Collins
“Moving in together is an exciting milestone in a relationship, but it often comes with some challenges. As you merge two households into one, you might encounter friction along with the joys. Perhaps you load the dishwasher differently, one of you is messier than the other, or you have different tastes in furniture or daily routines.
While compromise can solve some issues, preferences often tie back to deeper emotional needs. During conflicts, it’s tempting to turn away or against each other, but instead, try turning toward your partner. By approaching these sensitive areas with kindness and curiosity, you create the opportunity for deeper intimacy and understanding.” – Jenna Teves, PhD, Center for Improving Relationships
Balance togetherness and solitude
Balancing time spent together and apart is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship, especially for cohabitating couples. It’s important to openly discuss each other’s needs for alone time and quality time together, as well as how to communicate these needs respectfully. Finding this balance can help ensure both partners feel supported and fulfilled in the relationship over the long term.
“It is important to have honest discussions about expectations regarding how much time is spent together, how much alone time each person needs, and how you will communicate these needs to each other in the moment, respectfully. Finding your unique relational balance of time together, time alone, and time with friends and family is a crucial aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship while cohabitating long-term.” – Liz Davis, Owner and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Liz Davis Therapy Group
Establish routines and split responsibilities fairly
When you cohabitate as a couple for the first time, sharing responsibilities is one of the most important aspects of maintaining balance. Establishing routines early on helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures both partners feel supported. Open communication is key to dividing tasks fairly and creating a space that works for both of you.
“Consider daily and weekly chores and divide them fairly. In my experience, one person often feels they’re doing more chores and doing them better than their partner. This can be an adjustment because the other person may do the task differently. Appreciate the effort and stay grateful that you have someone else to help.” – Ingrid Sthare, Relationship Coaching & Coupling
“Open communication about household responsibilities is essential — discussing who will handle what tasks and designating personal space within the home ensures balance and respect for each other’s needs. These discussions should be ongoing and adaptable as your living situation evolves. Additionally, seeking guidance from a couples therapist, both before and after the move, can provide valuable support in maintaining a strong, healthy relationship throughout this important adjustment.” —Rich Painter, M.S., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Sky Counseling Center
Enjoy the cohabiting journey together
To wrap up, sharing a home is an exciting step that requires thoughtful planning and ongoing communication. By approaching the transition as a team and keeping the conversation open, you’ll create a strong foundation for cohabiting and anything else that might follow.
“Successfully moving in together begins with open communication about expectations for shared spaces, finances, and responsibilities. Approach combining belongings as a team, working together to declutter and blend décor styles to create a space that reflects both of you. Establish routines that balance quality time together with personal space, fostering connection while respecting individual needs. Regularly revisit these conversations to stay aligned and address any concerns early, creating a harmonious and supportive living environment.” – Hasani and Danielle Pettiford at Couples Academy
