Every relationship is different, and couples in healthy relationships navigate the good and the bad in ways that work for them. Within this, though, many people have fundamental belief patterns about their relationships which guide how they move through life and their romantic relationships.
What is destiny belief?
There is no scientific evidence that ‘soulmates’ exist. However, human attraction and brain chemistry do work on creating deep and meaningful relationships where two people share the same values, principles, emotional connection and physical compatibility. Many people believe in the existence of soulmates, and that there is one person out there who perfectly matches another. Usually, this is romantic, but many people also believe their deep, long-lasting friendships are another form of soulmates.
Destiny belief is a deeper understanding of and adherence to the idea of soulmates; that there is only one person for you, and your relationship is pre-determined.
The success of your relationship, therefore, is based on fate, and is out of your control. Your romantic life cannot be forced, and if you are not meant to be, then the relationship is doomed to fail.
From this belief, stems others:
- Belief in love at first sight, as you are destined to be together
- Your soulmate will meet all your ideals and dreams of a life partner
- Your love will conquer any obstacles in your relationship so you won’t see those challenges
- Following your heart rather than your mind in love
If a relationship faces issues, or there are elements of incompatibility between the two people, then destiny belief states you cannot be meant for one another.
What is growth belief?
Other people have more of a growth mindset when it comes to relationships. You may not be ‘destined’ to be together, but you share the important things like values, principles and physical compatibility.
Those with a growth mindset see relationship challenges as opportunities to strengthen their relationship, working through issues together.
Those with growth belief and growth mindset believe that traits are flexible, not seeing one trait they dislike in their partner as a deal-breaker, but rather something to be curious about.
Importantly, many believe that growth belief and destiny belief are not necessarily mutually exclusive. You can believe that your relationship is pre-destined, but also that all relationships have challenges that need to be overcome and doing so will make you a healthier couple.
Destiny belief vs growth belief
As with anything, there are pros and cons to each. Destiny believers face the world with romanticism which can bring positivity, and real commitment to relationships that they believe are right. They can feel great satisfaction in their relationships, especially in the early stages.
However, they can also end relationships because of challenges which they understand to mean a lack of compatibility and a wrong partnership. Even before this point, they may struggle to start relationships where there has not been that initial ‘love at first sight’ feeling. They can focus heavily on flaws and where the prospective partner does not measure up to their ideal.
People with growth beliefs can risk overlooking red flags, or signs of an unhealthy or incompatible relationship. However, this mindset means that fundamentally they believe in working together to overcome obstacles and that relationships all take work, even if you are on very similar pages. In the initial stages of a relationship, they take longer to get to know someone, investing more into the relationship
Believing there is one person out there who is perfect for you is quite common. Many people take this with a pinch of salt, arguing that if they and their partner make it work and are happy, even if they don’t absolutely align, then that is enough.
Useful links
Is unhappiness a good enough reason for divorce?
How do I know if I don’t love my partner anymore?
