I’m great at being a supportive friend, but I rarely feel seen or understood by others. Here’s how I’m changing my approach and putting myself first.

Being a good friend has always been one of my strong suits. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the shoulder to cry on, the cheerleader in the corner, the confidante ready with a listening ear, and a box of tissues.

My friends often joke that I missed my calling as a therapist or a motivational speaker given my knack for offering sage advice and comforting words at just the right moment.

I’ve always prided myself on being someone who can be relied upon. I was the friend who would take a 2 am call, lend a supportive ear when life got tough, and always be there to celebrate the highs and console during the lows.

It’s something that came naturally to me — being there for others — and something that I genuinely enjoyed.

Here’s the thing, though: while I was busy being everyone else’s support system, I neglected my own needs. I often found myself feeling unseen and misunderstood by those around me.

As much as they relied on me for support and understanding, it seemed they weren’t quite able to reciprocate when I needed it.

It was disheartening to realize that despite my efforts to maintain these friendships, they felt one-sided.

After years of self-reflection, I’ve come to understand that it wasn’t about them not caring or not understanding — it was about me not advocating for myself.

And so, here’s where my story takes a turn. I decided it was time to change how I approach friendships and relationships in general.

It was time to prioritize myself, to ensure that my emotional needs were met just as much as those of the people around me.

The shift hasn’t been easy or straightforward, but it’s been enlightening in ways I never expected. Let’s delve into how this journey of self-prioritization unfolded and continues to shape my relationships today.

Embracing self-prioritization: My journey to putting myself first

In a bid to alter the dynamics, I started with something that was incredibly hard for me — saying “no”. As a natural people-pleaser, I was always uncomfortable turning down requests or setting boundaries.

But I realized that in always saying ‘yes’, I was often sacrificing my own well-being.

I began small. When a friend called late at night, instead of immediately picking up, I would ask if we could talk in the morning.

I began expressing when I was tired or needed some alone time, instead of always being available. It felt strange and uncomfortable at first, but with time, it became easier.

The second step was communicating my needs. Just as my friends were open about their feelings and issues, I began to open up as well.

Whether it was expressing dissatisfaction or sharing my own worries, I made an effort to be more vocal about my own emotional landscape.

The result? Surprisingly positive. Not only did it lead to better understanding and deeper connections with my friends, but it also improved my emotional health significantly.

Now, there’s this widely held belief that prioritizing oneself in relationships is selfish or indicates an inability to be supportive.

But based on my experience, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The next part of this journey will delve into why this perspective is not only misguided but also detrimental to personal growth and healthy relationships.

Debunking the myth: Self-prioritization isn’t selfish

It’s a commonly held notion that prioritizing oneself in relationships is an act of selfishness. That somehow, taking care of your own needs before attending to others’ is a sign of being unsupportive or uncaring.

I used to believe this too, until my experience proved otherwise.

From the outside, it might seem that by setting boundaries and expressing my needs I was pulling away from my friends.

But in reality, it was the complete opposite. By taking care of my own emotional well-being first, I was able to be a better friend.

I was less stressed, more present, and more genuinely invested in the conversations because I wasn’t neglecting my own feelings or needs.

Moreover, being open about my needs fostered healthier relationships. My friends also started to understand me better and made an effort to meet my needs.

It turned out that self-prioritization wasn’t driving us apart, but bringing us closer.

So, contrary to the popular belief, self-prioritization isn’t an act of selfishness but rather an act of self-love that benefits not just you but your relationships as well.

Next up, let’s talk about the key steps I took to integrate self-prioritization into my life and how it changed my approach to friendships.

Key steps to integrating self-prioritization

Transforming my approach to friendships wasn’t an overnight journey, but some key steps helped me along the way. Here’s a look at what worked for me, and might work for you as well.

Firstly, learn to say ‘no’. It’s okay to turn down requests if they’re too much for you. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend; it simply means you’re taking care of your well-being.

Secondly, communicate your needs. Be open about your feelings and what you need from your friends. Remember, they can’t support you if they don’t know how.

Lastly, practice self-care regularly. This can be anything that helps you relax and rejuvenate – reading a book, taking a walk, meditating, or simply spending time alone.

The goal isn’t to become self-centered, but rather to find a balance where your needs are met alongside those of your friends.

Remember: You can’t pour from an empty cup. By taking care of yourself first, you ensure that you have the emotional capacity to be there for others.

While it may feel uncomfortable at first, with time, it will lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Reflecting on the bigger picture: A holistic approach

Looking back on this journey, I realize that it was about more than just my friendships. It was about understanding societal conditioning, acknowledging my dissatisfaction, and taking responsibility for my own well-being.

I had to confront the reality of my situation and face the discomfort of change. I had to understand that my role as a supportive friend didn’t mean neglecting my own needs.

And most importantly, I had to break free from the societal expectation that self-prioritization was an act of selfishness.

Here are the key points I’ve learned from this journey:

• Acknowledge your feelings and dissatisfaction
• Understand societal conditioning and external influences
• Take responsibility for your emotional well-being
• Break free from societal myths and expectations
• Embrace self-prioritization as an act of self-love

This journey also involved a lot of self-exploration. It required me to align my actions with my true nature and question societal myths that limited my potential. It wasn’t always easy, but it was necessary for growth.

And remember, this isn’t about blind positivity or feel-good mysticism. It’s about practical self-development and creating a mindset that empowers you.

So if you’re feeling unseen or misunderstood in your relationships, take a step back and look at the bigger picture. You have the power to change your situation and live life on your own terms.