Grieving Levi – Kathryn Ball
What was true then is still true now.
I’ve thought about writing this many times but I haven’t been able to sit down and clearly express my thoughts, memories, emotions, and revelations until now. I’m currently 3 months postpartum after losing Levi at 6 months (24weeks) pregnant. Surprisingly, most days I’m in good spirits. Of course, there are other days and moments where grief hits like a huge crashing wave that knocks me down. It reminds me of the beach; you know the types of waves that creep up behind you out of nowhere. The kinds of waves that tower over your head and in one fail swoop threaten to end your very existence.
That is how grief works.
It’s true; Levi marked our 3rd pregnancy loss in 4 years. He was stillborn December 13th, 2023. Truly, miscarriages and stillbirths are not for the weak, I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy. This is the second baby I’ve birthed and held after they’ve passed. I carried him the longest of all 3 pregnancies, and he divinely united my husband and me like never before. I can testify that God’s goodness and his miracles were seen with this child.
I can tell you now that God’s promises of living children still stand. Losing Levi does not negate this truth and I have been instructed and reassured by my pastors and mentors that God will do what he said he will do.
So, what do we do when we get knocked down by towering waves of loss, pain, and grief?
We get up.
We lean on the Lord.
We rise.
In order to tell you of all the miraculous things God was and is doing through Levi’s brief time here, I need to start from the beginning…
