Dead End Memories by the Japanese writer Banana Yoshimoto is a collection of five poignant stories filled with melancholy and nostalgia. Each story follows a woman who experienced loss and pain in her life. In all the stories each protagonist finds a refuge in the moments of the daily ordinariness and quiet existence. Yoshimoto weaves multilayered stories of solace and of finding hope in everyday life. These stories serve as a reminder that we all pass away and many of us will pass this world without a trace, so it is not worth living in accordance with other people’s assumptions about our life. Dead End Memories is a deeply moving collection of stories with capacity to soothe one’s soul.
HOUSE OF GHOSTS
“You could tell their life was modest, but it seemed to be made up of all these little traditions they’d built up over the years.”
House of Ghosts tells a story of two gentle souls with “a kind, parched heart” and “the air of loneliness” that hung around them. It is a story of romantic relationship based on a gentle expression of love, quest for one’s place in the world, separation, growing older, the importance of small moments and fate in defining our life choices. Above all, House of Ghosts is an ode to the quiet existence. There are references to the importance of food that can be perceived as the modest pleasure that can garnish people’s dark days. Finding comfort in sharing a favourite meal with a loving person and in other people’s presence, equally in silence and in exchanged words, and leading a modest life can become the strong foundation for a supportive and loving relationship. It’s a story where the past and present intersect: the existence of the previous inhabitants still lingers in the house occupied by two gentle souls.
On the surface having a decent job at the restaurant might appear meaningless but when you look a little bit deeper, the restaurant is the place where people gather, share a meal together, where one goes when they have a broken heart, often comforted by a waiter or waitress. One of our protagonists understood how the restaurant her parents run made “the difference (…) by being there for people over the years, in the background of their lives.” This reminds me of Brian by Jeremy Cooper, one of my favourite books where every day of the week Brian would have his lunch at exactly 2.15 pm at the café off Camden High Street, called Il Castelletto where people like him felt safe and wanted. For a number of the regulars to the café, this was the only refuge and often the only form of major human contact of the day for these gentle souls. A diner was more than just a place to eat; it was a place of a refuge.
“Grandma’s life – which until then I’d only pictured as day after day at the same restaurant, serving the same dishes – suddenly seemed to have more depth than I could fathom. I couldn’t imagine anything in the world, more meaningful than that.”
House of Ghosts also explores the importance of looking for one’s place in the world, of finding one’s path to follow and how fate can influence our place in this world.
“I sometimes worried if he found it boring being with me. I’d always been right here, doing this. The only things I contributed to his life were the unenviable position of having a wife who had her own business (…). I was convinced he’d rather be with someone (…) with a more impressive or sophisticated career.”
But for our protagonist’s husband it was important how he felt at ease when he was with her. Softness and gentleness in a relationship is something that is so rarely explored but crucial to maintain the strong foundation of a respectful and long-term relationship.
“We’d needed to be apart, and grow older and wiser, to arrive at that moment of realisation when we understood that the simple time we shared – sitting in a warm kotatsu with someone close to you, talking, or being together in silence, maybe feeling impressed sometimes, or at other times a little bored, never getting irritated or pushy – was far more important than fighting (…). And someday we’d disappear like that old couple, leaving barely a trace.”
MAMA!
Mama! explores mental health, the meaning of relationship between an adult child and parent, toxic workplace, grief caused by the abandonment, the meaning of connection with those who stay in our life for a long time. Mama! tells the story of Matsuoka, a sensitive and thoughtful woman who tries to live her life in the accordance with her inner world and who often ruminates on how fate impacts our relationships with others and how the type of relationship we develop with random people depends on how our paths crossed with one another. She becomes a victim of targeted poisoning that affects her physical and mental health. It takes a long time for her to heal. As she navigates her life back to her former self, everyone else seems to move on and forgets about the incident that profoundly affected her health. Matsuoka feels lethargic, depressed and everything is burdensome to her. Other people’s insensitivity to her current circumstances affects her well-being and healing process. She starts understanding the importance of rest and calmness in her life.
“I’d started to think maybe this was the life I’d been looking for all along. The kind of life that needed no justification, where I felt calm and grounded, and which I would have been content to continue forever. (…) I was amazed to think, now, that I’d been going through life believing I understand anything about people (…). I’d always believed I did not take up a lot of space in this world- that it hardly mattered whether I was here or not. When a person left, the people around then got used to their absence.”
NOT WARM AT ALL
Not Warm At All tells a story of a writer, Mitsuyo. She remembers her time living in Paris where she met many people like her who were also pursuing their own interests and dreams. Life in Paris felt easier and lighter for her; she found a place where she belonged. Mitsuyo recalls her time when she was a child in Japan and lived with her parents and remembering these moments of everyday existence filled her with joy: “this happiness – their conversation, interspersed with sounds of the television, the clink of crockery and moments of silence.” It was comforting to spend the afternoon reading books in her cramped and messy room or eating her mum’s home-made cake. In comparison to her beloved childhood friend, Makoto’s life, her existence seemed boring and modest. He lived in a bigger house with many relatives and financially his family was better off. She thought that many relatives meant the abundance of affection but in reality, this was not true. Mitsuyo’s family was uncomplicated and made their living simply but most importantly this was a safe home that her friend, Makoto also deeply loved and where he loved spending time. He loved to see Mitsuyo’s dad working in the bookstore with customers with everything having smell of books. In the kitchen window he saw the yellow glow of the light bulb and heard her mum making dinner which was very comforting to Makoto – something that Mitsuyo took for granted as a child and only realised as an adult what an impact that peaceful home environment can have on person’s entire life; it provided her with memories to fall back on during dark moments. Later in the story we find out that Makoto lost his life due to family complicated dynamics and that in her adulthood Mitsuyo never made a friend as good as Makoto:
“I often wonder whether those that are too pure are destined to live fleeting lives.”
Again, Yoshimoto’s focus is on the small moments of daily and quiet existence and how a chain of these moments over months and years constitutes a fulfilling and meaningful life. The author also reminds us that our memory will be swallowed up by the flow of time without a trace in the same way as Makoto’s regardless of how noble our spirit is.
TOMO-CHAN’S HAPPINESS
Tomo-Chan’s Happiness tells a story of abandonment, grief and abuse. It explores the question: Why did this have to happen to me? The main protagonist was abandoned by her father, she was mistreated by her friend who could not keep his desires to himself and had to deal with her mum’s death all by herself, without support of any close relatives. Tomo-Chan felt more alone than she had ever been, but she found a refuge in “the velvety glow of the night, the touch of the wind, (…), the blinking of stars….”. Yoshimoto reminds us that aloneness does not necessarily have to be a negative experience. We can find solace in daily occurrences around us and small moments of peace can heal our wounded hearts.
DEEP-END MEMORIES
Deep-End Memories explores the betrayal in the romantic relationship, the importance of living now and in the present, the happiness understood as having the choice where to go in life and which path to follow. The main protagonist is betrayed by her fiancé to whom she has been committed for a long time. That relationship promised her stability and joy which was abruptly taken away from her. She was in pain, heartbroken and alone. In order to heal and to learn how to trust others she had to understand the importance of living for herself, to find self-worth through who she is and not through other people’s perception of her. Yoshimoto provides us with a valuable lesson that a quiet person’s mind can be as spacious as wide open with capacity for profound feelings and that we should learn to find treasures within the people we know and not judge others on lazy assumptions and perceptions. Again, the appreciation of small moments in daily life that can serve as a healing power to wounded souls:
“There was something inviting and warm about a bedroom at night with the TV on and it was a place where all the loneliness and fear of the world outside seemed to melt away.”
The comfort that our loving parents and close friendships can offer is like webs placed to protect us from “the more distressing colours that lurked within ourselves.” The more safety nets we have under, the less far we have to fall and if we are lucky, we might live our entire life without even noticing what was below. When going through dark moments having a friend or a loving parent, and a bed to retreat sometime can be enough.
The whole collection of these gentle stories by Banana Yoshimoto is like a balm for one’s soul. Her writing focuses only on what is essential in life. These stories depict the importance of small peaceful moments, of gentleness and of ordinary daily events which are paramount to a fulfilling life. In the midst of everyday existence these moments often remain unnoticed. For me Yoshimoto’s stories are like the velvety glow of the night, the touch of the wind, (…), the blinking of stars…” becoming one of these peaceful moments of ordinary existence filling me with warmth and calmness. If you want to read something gentle and heart-warming with beautiful poetic prose offering you a place of a refuge, then this collection is for you.
