After having first read O’Donnell’s short fiction year’s ago in the excellent anthology “The Long Gaze Back” it’s exciting to see that this talented Irish author has published her debut novel. The story takes place in 2018 and follows Ciara Fay who lives with her husband Ryan and two young children in Dublin. Before her marriage she was a teacher and spent time living in South America. But since starting a family Ryan has demanded she give up working and cut her off from any friends so that Ciara has become increasingly isolated and dependant upon him. Though he is charming, handsome and successful on the surface Ryan is actually controlling, coercive and manipulative in private. Ciara has made failed attempts to leave him in the past and she’s been considering doing so again for some time especially now that she’s pregnant again. But one day on the spur of the moment she decides to finally do it and she leaves taking their children with her. The novel follows Ciara’s extremely difficult experiences over the course of a year as she seeks to completely extricate herself from this toxic relationship, achieve a sense of independence, create a truly safe space for her children and not return to this odious man.
It’s powerful and heartbreaking how this narrative fully drew me into the difficulty of Ciara’s immediate circumstances. From the moment she walks away there’s the pressing need for money and housing. Even though she has family behind her and there’s a small amount of social care, the stress over where they’ll sleep and get their next meal from is a constant pressing need. There are many challenges to getting support as a domestic abuse survivor. This is further complicated since Ciara states she’s not been physically or sexually abused by her husband. However, his intimidating nature made life with him excruciatingly stressful and the dark truth of their existence together is subtly layered into the narrative. Finding work is extremely difficult for Ciara especially since she is expecting another child. Added to the difficulty of Ciara’s immediate circumstances are the demands of her children whose petty complaints are ever present. I grew so frustrated with their eternal griping but, of course, it’s only natural that they wouldn’t understand the psychological, social, financial strain their mother is under because they are only young children. Their presence also means that Ciara must maintain frequent contact with Ryan as he threatens her with legal measures if he’s not allowed to see them. Of course, this also provides him with an opportunity to attempt to turn them against Ciara and force more frequent contact with her. I truly felt like the weight of the world was upon Ciara’s shoulders. It’s impactful how O’Donnell captures the visceral experience of her many dilemmas and this emotional journey.
