Do you hit or yell at your child? 7 reasons to avoid it..

Before I share more on how to respond when you are triggered or how to use Positive Phrase , it is crucial to understand that ‘Hitting/Yelling is not the solution’ to your child’s unacceptable behaviour.

7 reasons to not hit your child?

Research indicates that children instinctively seek their parents or caregivers when frightened, yelled at, or subjected to physical discipline. Despite their minds urging them to distance themselves, another part of their brain draws them back, leaving them confused and emotionally vulnerable, particularly in the case of younger children. This emotional and mental impact can lead older kids to distance themselves from their parents.

If you believe hitting or yelling yields results, it’s likely rooted in fear, not respect. Younger children may freeze, inhibiting their ability to process emotions, which can prove detrimental in the long term, rendering them emotionally unavailable.

Here are some reasons to not hit your child:

1. It weakens your bond with your child
2. It harms self-esteem & confidence of your child
3. It increases self doubt in your child
4. It makes your child more aggressive as they see hitting as a solution
5. It impacts their mental health as well
6. It devalues you as a parent as it inculcates fear instead of respect in your child
7. Hitting doesn’t work or corrects your child’s behaviour

Consider the long-term consequences before resorting to spanking or yelling at your child.

Hitting / Yelling as a Defense Mechanism

Responding to situations with hitting or yelling inadvertently teaches children an inappropriate approach to handling circumstances beyond their control. They may adopt the same defensive tactics with their peers or others in their environment, especially resorting to yelling.

Surely, this is not the outcome we desire?

Responding instead of Reacting

While we may impart numerous teachings and preachings to our children, our ‘actions’ and ‘reactions’ serve as their primary source of learning. How do we, as parents, navigate our own triggers in response to our child’s behavior?

The initial step is to “Pause” and Breathe. Instead of reacting impulsively to triggers, take a moment to respond thoughtfully, avoiding subsequent regret. The effective response is to “Take a Pause!”

For example, if a child breaks something, refrain from immediate yelling. Instead, pause, take a deep breath, and understand the reason behind the action. Was it exploration, an accident, or an expression of anger or frustration?

Once the cause is understood, respond appropriately, leaving a positive impact on the child.

Take a moment to breathe, have a glass of water, remove yourself from the situation, or step out for fresh air. This pause provides clarity to your thoughts and empowers you to respond effectively.

While controlling the urge to react is undoubtedly challenging, trust in the process. With practice, you’ll witness positive results and a transformation in your behavior.

It’s crucial to note that responsible reactions are not limited to parents alone; they extend to everyone interacting with your child—caretakers, grandparents, siblings, etc. Everyone’s response to a given situation holds significance.

If you observe others around your child not ‘reacting’ appropriately, engage in conversation with them to ensure alignment.

How to respond to kids when you are upset?

Dealing with children when you’re upset can be a daunting task, but it’s essential to handle the situation with composure and a constructive mindset. Here are some suggestions on effectively managing your response:

1. Pause and Breathe: Before reacting, take a moment to engage in deep breaths. This practice aids in emotional regulation and provides a space for collecting your thoughts.
2. Step Back: If anger becomes overwhelming, consider temporarily stepping away from the situation. This prevents impulsive reactions and allows you to regain composure.
3. Utilize “I” Statements: Express your emotions using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For instance, say, “I feel upset when…” instead of using blaming language.
4. Communicate Emotions: Share your feelings with your child in a calm and honest manner. Articulate why you’re upset without placing blame on them.
5. Establish Clear Boundaries: Clearly convey the behavior that has troubled you and set appropriate boundaries. Specify your expectations and explain why certain conduct is unacceptable.
6. Practice Active Listening: Allow your child to express their perspective actively. Demonstrating attentive listening fosters a sense of being heard and understood.
7. Maintain a Neutral Tone: Keep a steady and neutral tone of voice. Avoid raising your voice or using harsh language, which can escalate tensions.
8. Choose an Appropriate Time: Select a suitable moment to address the issue when both you and your child are calm, fostering a conducive environment for constructive conversation.
9. Encourage Problem-Solving: Stimulate problem-solving by discussing alternative behaviors. Involve your child in brainstorming how similar situations can be handled differently in the future.
10. Implement Consequences Thoughtfully: If consequences are warranted, ensure they are fair and directly related to the behavior. Explain consequences calmly and consistently enforce them.
11. Model Positive Behavior: Demonstrate effective anger management and coping strategies. Children learn significantly by observing their parents, making modeling healthy behavior essential.
12. Seek Assistance: If maintaining consistent control over your anger is challenging, consider seeking support from parenting groups, counselors, or therapists.
13. Apologize When Needed: If you recognize that your anger led to an inappropriate reaction, be open to apologizing. Modeling the ability to apologize instills values of accountability and empathy.
14. Reflect on Triggers: Take time to reflect on the factors that trigger your anger. Understanding these triggers aids in developing strategies for more effective management.

Why words matter in discipline?