It’s bad enough when one pub in a village can’t be bothered to open, but when both are stubbornly closed, what’s a poor boy supposed to do?

The long Easter weekend was quite uneventful for me,
especially in terms of both beer, and pubs visited, but it still provided a
welcome break from work. Thursday and Friday were spent sorting things out in
both house and garden, whilst Saturday was a shopping day. It was also the day when
my filling fell out, as mentioned in the previous blog post. On Sunday,
Matthew drove us over to Uckfield, in order to visit Eileen’s niece Heidi, for
an extended family gathering. A nice buffet spread had laid on, and
since I wasn’t driving, I was able to enjoy a beer or two. Unfortunately
the beer selection left a lot to be desired, which was unusual as Heidi’s husband Phil, normally has a good variety of bottles
and cans available. 

Somehow, the couple had either drank it all or forgot to
restock. I had to make do with a can of  Kronenbourg which, whilst refreshing,
didn’t exactly inspire me to have another. However, as the cakes and other desserts
were being served by then, I declined a second can. I would have done the same
with a bitter or a pale ale, as I find the majority of beers, regardless of
style, don’t go well with sweet things. In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say that cakes,
puddings and chocolate ruin the taste of beer, making it, for me at least, virtually undrinkable.

On Easter Monday, Matthew had to go to work, and Eileen had
some accounting work to do, so I decided to head out as a train enthusiast
instead of taking the bus. After checking the train schedule, I found that my
chosen destination of Marden was quite accessible, and despite it being a bank
holiday, there was a half-hourly service between the village and Tonbridge.
Marden is a pleasant village that is only two stops down the line from Tonbridge.
Furthermore, the journey time is only 12 minutes. Geographically it is situated
approximately 8 miles south of the County Town of Maidstone.

The Parish of Marden has a population of just over 5,000 souls
and lies in an area renowned for the growing of apples and hops, as well as
more general mixed farming. The village has a number of local shops including a
Post Office, three Convenience Stores, a Butchers plus a Bakers. There are also
two pubs, along with the famed Marden Village Club – national winner of CAMRA’s Club of
the Year for 2022 and 2023.

It had been a long time since I last visited the village, and
I’m guessing here it would have been back in 2010. That was when a small group
of local CAMRA members attended a social event at the West End Tavern, a pub which
lies to the west of the village centre. There is another pub in the Marden called
the Unicorn at the opposite end to the aforementioned. Both pubs are just over
five minutes’ walk from the station, as I discovered during my visit, albeit at
opposite ends of the village. I also recall another pub in Marden, which was the
Rose & Crown. This rather basic pub, closed in 1981, despite a concerted campaign to
keep it open, organised by the local CAMRA branch.

So far so good, and with spirits running high I alighted
from the train and made my way towards the West End Tavern.  On the way I passed a local curry house that
had all the hallmarks of a former pub. The name Taj of Kent curry house was a possible clue
(Man of Kent, anyone?), but a search through the archives for lost pubs, subsequently
failed to turn anything up. I continued on to the West End Tavern and was
surprised to find both doors locked – rather unusually, in this day and age,
the pub still has separate Public and Saloon bars. Undeterred, I headed back in the opposite direction to the
Unicorn, a pub that I’d never been in before. 

On the way I stopped for a look
at the rather attractive, parish church of St Michael & All Angels, which
dates back to 1200. I didn’t venture inside, as I was rather thirsty at this
stage, although had I known that the Unicorn would also be closed, I would have
called in. The Unicorn’s website states “Closed Monday, except for Bank Holidays”
so why on earth was the place shut, with no sign of life inside, when I tried
to gain entry at 14:10? The usual lunchtime opening time is 12 noon, so on the
final day of a traditionally busy, holiday weekend, this pub feels that it’s unnecessary
to open its doors to the paying public.

I gave up in disgust and made my way back to the station.
With hindsight I could have called in at the Marden Club, but unlike Pete Brown who wrote a book on the subject, I’ve never been a
fan of clubs, political, workingman’s, or other so I gave up on that. I’m also not
a member of any organisation that might permit me entrance, either, so it was
the next train back to Tonbridge for me. It wasn’t a totally wasted day, as I’d
enjoyed a pleasant stroll, around an equally pleasant Kent village, and there
was always the prospect of a return visit, when I knew for certain that both pubs
would be open.

There was also the immediate prospect of a pint when I
arrived back in Tonbridge. The choice was between Fuggle’s and the Nelson Arms,
and purely for the fact that the Nelson was running a “tap takeover”  over the weekend, Fuggle’s received my custom that afternoon. I’m really not a fan of these “takeovers”
as I view them as just another gimmick in the aspiring licensee’s calendar – a “crowd
pleaser” for beer-tickers and getting your pub in the CAMRA Good Beer Guide, if you like.  Also,
what’s the point in keeping a pub with a large number of pumps available, if
they’re all given over to the products of a single brewery? Langham was the
company concerned, and whilst their beers are pleasant enough, they don’t exactly float my boat.

Fuggle’s on the other hand, had an interesting selection, of
just four cask ales, and a truly excellent pint of Spring Protagonist, from Lost & Grounded
provided that refreshing and welcoming pint that I’d been looking forward to all
day. As for the two closed pubs, what on earth were they playing at? I know that
seasoned pub tickers like Martin, Duncan and Simon come up against this issue
all the time, but if you are running a hospitality business that by its nature is
open to the public, for pity’s sake, keep people informed as to what is going
on. I checked the pub’s websites, their social media pages, and saw nothing about
them not opening on Easter Monday, so they are the losers, rather than me.  But please don’t come crying when customers
stop visiting your outlet, because they never know whether or not you will be open!