Yesterday I wrote a bit on the relationship between my dad and I, or one of my business partners. The thesis of that blog is: I’m seeing his genius now that I’m open to it. Also that I’ve nearly broken our company.
This morning I opened up a conversation with my other business partner, Ross, about our current state in the partnership. Ross and I are friends, and were friends, before we were business partners. I’m a sucker for messy relationships. I’m a sucker for jumping in wholeheartedly. I was married at 23. My wife and I dated for a year or something. This is how I do it, apparently.
“Hey buddy, want to partner in a brewery?” – Me
“Sure” – Ross
He’s apparently as reckless as I am.
In yesterday’s conversation, as I dropped my fear of our current business predicament and listened to what Ross had to say, I stunned myself.
“Holy shit, this guy has been alongside me for 19 messy years. Not only has he dedicated himself tirelessly to the success of Iron Horse, he also has learned far more than I have given him credit for.”
There were times when I think Ross and I were both holed up in our boxes of story and projection, afraid to reveal. Those times still hurt. To think I had nearly written off this dear human at our low point because I made up a story of incapability. I’m feeling some tears cresting as I relive this. I created the situation by sitting back, giving no feedback, asking for none, expecting things to change in a very specific way. Jesus, save me. What a scared and toxic human I may have been.
This too is part of our relationship; our learning and our connection deepening. Learning to reveal and listen.
To carry the thread of the last blog of the business calamity I’ve nearly ushered in, as I listened to Ross’ perspectives, suggestions, fears and hopes – I eased myself. I realize I am surrounded by stunningly brilliant (intellectually and shining like the sun) people who care deeply about this place, this community and my well-being.
Part of their brilliance is a bit like a sunburn however as they reflect back the ways that I have kept things in the dark. This newly shed light is a little intense – it feels a bit like a sunburn. I think we’ll be around for my skin to grow back and carry on. That’s all I really want, to keep playing this game with people with love.
