The Great Indian Wedding SALE!!!! Where Products are the KING… (A Satirical Tale of the Shaadi Mandi) – The Law Blog
Sachin is a research scholar at IIT Kharagpur. Quoting his words, he believes he’s primarily “a story-teller”, and “researcher on the side”. Comments and feedbacks are welcome at [email protected].
Shaadi Mandi, a bustling town in the heart of every Indian family. It is no ordinary market; here, grooms are the products and the bride’s families are the consumers. At the grand entrance of the mandi, a glowing neon-lit sign read:
“A Happy Boy- The Key to Girls’ Happiness”
Inside the mandi, hundreds, thousands and lakhs of grooms are displayed with their price tag & special features (NRI (With an active accent!!!), Bureaucrat- Limited Edition, Ph.D. holders- Only with a scholarly look, etc…) attached to them.
In front of one of the shops in the mandi, Mr. Manav, a retired School Headmaster was standing with a folder full of his daughter Vanitha’s degrees, certificates, and model portfolio edited with the right amount of filters (so as to make his daughter more fairer/ clean skin)
Seeing a prospective customer, the owner of the shop (keeping a fake smile) enquired… “Hello Sir ji…. How are you…. How can I help you???” (the fake smile is still on his face)
Mr. Manav responded, “I would like to buy a groom!!!” He said meekly.
The shop owner responded (keeping his fake smile on)– “Arey sir, you are in the right place…. Sir ji, tell me… you are…..”
“I Am Mr. Manav, former Head Master of Govt. Higher Secondary School for Boys.”
Shop Owner: “Manav……”
Manav: “Oh Achaa… , Manav Sharma.”
Shop Owner: “Sirji, you are not only at the right place but also at the right shop. We specialise in General Caste Shaadi …. Sir ji, we have the best of the best boys with us… come inside let me show you” (all this while he had his fake smile on)
Before the shop owner offered him any chaay, he asked with a superior tone (maintaining the fake smile on his face) “Sirji, Aapka budget kitna hai????”
Sharma ji responded by saying “50 Lakhs Liquid Cash, 1 acre agricultural land in Ambala)”
Shop owner, in a ridiculing tone, scoffed and said, “BAS itna hi!!!?” (his fake smile is beginning to fade away) “arey sir ji, Isme kuch nahi hoga, you will only get a mediocre part-time employee with some moral issues…. You may check the fourth & the last aisle, that’s where we keep our over-aged, and still entitled collection.”
“Sir ji, just show me your daughter’s profile” (now without any smile), he asked, drawing a deep breath, and a small pause.
Mr. Manav readily pulled out the folder, and handed it over to the shop owner.
“Arey sir ji, your daughter is fair-skinned, slim and educated as well… I have some B. Tech- MBA (pvt. Sector employee) in the second aisle.” (Now the fake is coming back on his face)
Mr. Sharma wandered across the second aisle, thinking ‘(with all her degrees, certificates and values… none came for her rescue, rather it was her skin tone and physicality that’s valued in this mandi… )‘. With a heavy heart, he wandered across the tens and thousands of grooms/ products across the second aisle.
He stopped in front of a podium… he called the shop owner, the shop owner responded (with his fake smile) “Ahhh… what a terrific choice sir ji…. He is a good product, with minimal maintenance like Rolex on Diwali, only 25 Kilos of dry fruits to his family on all festivals and only an Audi Q3 on his sister’s wedding… this is your guy, sir ji…. His requirements are really minimal.”
As the shop owner was convincing Mr. Sharma, a loudspeaker announcement echoed:
Here, in Shaadi Mandi, Products are the Kings and not the customer, remember- “A Happy Boy- The Key to Girls’ Happiness”
Mr. Sharma, speaking to his inner voice, said- “This feels wrong. Should I end my subscription to this mandi?” Suddenly, the voice of the shop owner brought him back to reality… “So, sir, cheque or cash? Jaldi boliye… There are others in line….”
Mr. Sharma handed over the cheque and booked the “Product” from aisle two for his daughter.
(to be continued)
