7 Key Things the Bible Teaches About Loving Yourself

We live in a culture, especially in America, that is obsessed with self.  Everything is about whatever makes me happy.  And this self-obsession has bled over into every area of life – home, school, work, politics, religion, sexuality, sports, etc. 

From millions of selfies on social media to Instagram and TikTok videos featuring ‘a day in the life,’ it has become the norm to not only focus on oneself but also to broadcast every aspect of one’s life to the world. Throw in the abundance of unbiblical self-love affirmations, and you have a recipe for spiritual disaster that has been masked by the “live your truth” movement.

The question is, as Christians, where do we find biblical balance when it comes to self-love?

Some of the most googled questions about self-love are:

• Is it okay to love yourself according to the Bible?
• Is self-love selfish?
• What did Jesus say about loving yourself?

If you struggle with self-love, wonder if self-love is a sin, or have ever asked yourself any of the questions above, this is the post for you.  We will dive into Scripture to see exactly what self-love is and what the Bible says about loving yourself.

What is Self-Love?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, the definition of self-love is:

• an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue
• proper regard for and attention to one’s own happiness or well-being
• inflated love of or pride in oneself; narcissism; conceit

As you can see, even the basic definition of self-love has a broad spectrum ranging from proper regard for one’s own well-being to narcissism.

Let’s look at the concept of self-love from a secular and biblical viewpoint.

The Secular Viewpoint

Loving yourself from a secular viewpoint often boils down to self-affirmation. And there is no shortage of self-love affirmations and self-love quotes.  We’ve all heard at least some of these and may have even used some ourselves:

• I am a gift to this world.
• I am perfect and complete just the way I am.
• I can make it on my own.
• I can do whatever makes me happy.
• I deserve to prioritize myself over anyone else.
• I can be my unique, authentic self – no matter what.
• I can live my truth.
• I deserve all the good things in life.
• I can speak prosperity into all areas of my life.
• I deserve to succeed in life.

These all sound great.  They motivate, encourage, and inspire us to adjust our moods, look at ourselves in a positive light, quell any negative self-talk in our heads, and love ourselves more.

However, the subtle problem with these affirmations is that they are ALL completely self-centered, with no incorporation of God, and they are in direct opposition to what the Bible teaches.  

A secular view of self-love essentially says it’s all about me, myself, and I.  It embraces an ideology that elevates the self as morally good, with an entitlement to happiness and all the best things in life and the capability to conquer all things – without God.   It says:  loving myself is doing what I want, when I want, how I want, with whomever I want, and God is here only when I need to call on Him for blessings throughout my chosen journey.

The Biblical Viewpoint

Is self-love biblical?  You may receive various answers depending on whom you ask.

Unfortunately, many Christians tend to be very averse to the concept of self-love, and some even condemn it as entirely sinful.  This often boils down to them trying to be humble and pious through self-deprecation. 

Some will even act like they can’t accept compliments or allow others to acknowledge their achievements, often referring to themselves in the bleakest terms possible. However, even this overcorrection to the secular viewpoint of self-love is NOT biblical.

Like Webster’s definition, the Bible teaches that self-love has a spectrum.  There is both a healthy, godly type of self-love, as well as a sinful type of self-love:

• “Teacher, what is the most important commandment in the Law?”  Jesus answered:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and most important commandment. The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is, “Love others as much as you love yourself.” All the Law of Moses and the Books of the Prophets are based on these two commandments.  Matthew 22:36-40 CEV
• You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be tough times.  For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred.  They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good.  2 Timothy 3:1-3 NLT

The first passage not only gives us permission to love ourselves but also sets boundaries on the exhibition of that self-love.

The second passage addresses the type of conceited, narcissistic self-love that is, in fact, sinful.

We will look at both passages in more detail in the following sections.

What Does the Bible Teach About Loving Yourself?

We’ve established that the Bible does address the topic of self-love. So, let’s dive deeper to look at seven important things it teaches about loving yourself.

1. We Are ALL Born With the Nature to Express the Sinful Type of Self-Love

Nowhere in Scripture does God explicitly command people to love themselves.  In fact, EVERY instance of the godly type of self-love is always mentioned in light of how we are to love others (i.e. love others as yourself).  Despite all the self-love talk of culture, God never says “love yourself.”

Why do you think that is? 

Because all of us are born with a self-loving nature to begin with.  We don’t have to be told or even taught how to love ourselves.  We are natural lovers of self.

No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body the Church, of which we are parts. 

Ephesians 5:29 TLB

The problem is that due to the fall, our natural self-love is tainted with sin.  Adam and Eve ate the fruit because they wanted more for themselves than what God had provided; they wanted to be their own god.  And every human being has inherited the same sinful type of self-love that they had:

• When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.  Romans 5:12 NLT
• For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.  Psalm 51:5 NLT
• For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.  Romans 3:23 NLT

From Adam and Eve, the wickedness that led to the flood, the anarchy that arose before Israel had a king, the stubbornness and wickedness during the time of the prophets, to the self-righteous Pharisees of Jesus’ day, the sinful type of self-love has always been evident:

• The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time.  Genesis 6:5 NIV
• In those days Israel had no king; all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes.  Judges 21:25 NLT
• The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?  But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives.  I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.  Jeremiah 17:9-10 NLT
•  “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.” Matthew 23:25 NIV

So, you see, the world’s obsession with self is nothing new. Without proper spiritual authority and guidance, mankind has always done whatever appeases itself. Self-obsession simply plays out in new ways from generation to generation as society, culture, and technology advance. 

The Bible even teaches that when we see the continual rise of wickedness and self-seeking sin in the world, it is the passive wrath of God on display, where He actually gives people over to their selfish desires:

• But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.  Romans 2:8 NIV
• The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness.  Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.  Romans 1:18, 24, 28-32 NIV

Even going back to one of the first verses I mentioned regarding the spectrum of self-love that the Bible teaches, we see Paul giving a strong warning to Timothy about how much the sinful type of self-love will escalate in the last days of mankind:

You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be tough times.  For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred.  They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good.

2 Timothy 3:1-3 NLT

Very strong words! Yet, if we are being honest, we can acknowledge that we see this in everyday life all over the globe.

As Christians, just like with any other sin, God has to teach us His righteous and holy standards – how He wants us to live.  We must learn to trade the self-centered love that our sinful nature produces and craves for the sacrificial, selfless love of Christ.  And that starts with understanding that the version of ourselves we are called to love is the “new nature” or “new self” we have in Christ.

2. We Should Love Our New Nature from Christ and Despise Our Old Sinful Nature

One of the biggest lies and deceptions from secular culture is that we are perfect just the way we are.  This is one of the main reasons why the Progressive Christianity movement has grown so much in the last few decades.  Because you have “professing Christians” teaching false doctrines such as this that align with culture instead of the Word of God.

The Bible is clear – we are ALL born sinners in need of redemption, and that redemption is found in Jesus Christ alone.  Not in any other religion, or “spirituality”, crystals, cults, witchcraft, meditation, the universe, and certainly not in self-affirming mantras.

As Christians, we should have a great appreciation for the fact that although we still have our sinful nature, through the power of the Holy Spirit, we have been given a new nature as well – the mind of Christ!  And this new nature is incapable of sin and ALWAYS wants to please God. It always has godly thoughts and wants to do things God’s way:

• The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for, “Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?”But we have the mind of Christ.  1 Corinthians 2:14-16 NIV
• When someone becomes a Christian, he becomes a brand new person inside. He is not the same anymore. A new life has begun!  2 Corinthians 5:17 TLB
• Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other.  But—When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.  Titus 3:3-5 NLT

Although we are equipped with the mind of Christ, it is imperative to understand that our two natures/mindsets are ALWAYS fighting against one another:

I advise you to obey only the Holy Spirit’s instructions. He will tell you where to go and what to do, and then you won’t always be doing the wrong things your evil nature wants you to. For we naturally love to do evil things that are just the opposite from the things that the Holy Spirit tells us to do; and the good things we want to do when the Spirit has his way with us are just the opposite of our natural desires. These two forces within us are constantly fighting each other to win control over us, and our wishes are never free from their pressures.

Galatians 5:16-17 TLB

As Christians, we are in a daily spiritual war.  We often focus on the enemies around us (the devil and secular culture/influence).  But we often forget that our biggest battle often comes from within – our internal war between our flesh (our old sinful nature) and the Spirit (our new nature).

And make no mistake, there is NOTHING about our old sinful nature that God calls us to love.  In fact, the Bible is saturated with verses that talk about the importance of growing in our relationship with God by putting off the things of the old nature and putting on the things of the new nature that please God.  Paul said it best:

• For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  Romans 7:18 ESV
• Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.  Ephesians 4:22-24 NLT
• So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming.You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.  Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Colossians 3:5-12 NLT

So, as Christians, are we supposed to walk around hating ourselves, focusing on our flaws and our sins?  Absolutely NOT.

However, as Christians, we are NEVER to forget who we truly are – sinners, saved by grace, who need to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit every single day in order to live in a way that truly pleases God. 

Yes, our new nature is perfect just the way it is, because it stems from a perfect and holy God.  That is the part of ourselves that we should love and nourish.  But we should despise our old, sinful nature, and be seeking to put off those things within us that do not please God – that is the Christian journey.

So, no, we are NOT perfect just the way we are.  In fact, we will NEVER reach perfection this side of heaven.  However, God has called us to strive for it in our daily lives while we are on earth.  

I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.

Philippians 3:12 NLT

Do NOT allow the enemy to deceive you into thinking you are okay living in your sin, let alone perfect.   Let us strive to live victoriously in obedience to God by the power of our new nature.

3. The Holy Spirit Empowers Us to Love in the Way That Pleases God

Since our self-love is sinful and selfish by nature, God not only has to show us what true love is, but He also has to equip us to love in the way He requires us to.

Defining love is the foundation of learning how to love, so I will give you the most concise definition that the Bible teaches:  God is love.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us:  He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love:  not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 

1 John 4:7-10 NIV

This short passage gives us five key points:

1. God is love.
2. Love comes from God.
3. He demonstrated His love by sending His Son to die as an atonement for our sins.
4. Love is NOT that we loved Him, but that God loved us.
5. ONLY those who have been born of God and know Him (true Christians) can love the way God commands in His Word.

Contrary to what secular culture teaches, we must understand that we CANNOT define, create, manufacture, or even demonstrate true love on our own.   God is the definition and epitome of true love, the creator and source of it, and the ultimate demonstrator of it! 

• Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  John 15:13 NIV
• But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8 NIV
• But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.  Ephesians 2:4-5 NIV
• I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  Galatians 2:20 NIV
• See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!  The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  1 John 3:1 NIV

Since God is love, then we learn from the verses above that love is sacrifice and servanthood – a huge difference from how secular culture defines love (self-affirmation and affirmation of others).

When we encounter God’s amazing, sacrificial, and overwhelming love for us and accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, His Holy Spirit comes to live in us, giving us a new nature and mindset.  With this new nature, through the power of the Holy Spirit, we are empowered to love the way God commands us to:

• We love because he first loved us.  1 John 4:19 NIV
• But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!  Galatians 5:22-23 NLT
• For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.  2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

Yes, Christians and non-Christians alike can do “good” and “loving things.”  After all, the Bible teaches that every human being has a God-given moral compass.  People will sometimes choose to do what’s right based on that compass, regardless of whether they acknowledge its source.  This includes “good deeds” and “acts of love”.

Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right.

Romans 2:14-15 NLT

However, Scripture defines what true godly love looks like on display – which NO ONE can fully exhibit without the power of the Holy Spirit:

• Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.  I Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV
• Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Romans 12:9 NIV
• Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Colossians 3:12-14 NIV
• You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?  Are not even the tax collectors doing that?  And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?  Matthew 5:43-47 NIV

4. Loving God Should Take Precedence Over Loving Ourselves

When we rightly understand that God is love and that the Holy Spirit empowers us to love, then it’s just a matter of prioritizing the exhibition of our love. 

Our sinful nature wants us to elevate ourselves above everything and everyone else – including God.  However, going back to the passage referenced earlier from Matthew, when asked point blank, ‘What is the greatest commandment,’ Jesus was very clear:

‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.’  

Matthew 22:36-38 NIV

Above everything else, loving God is the absolute, top priority, and greatest commandment for every true Christian. 

Loving God is NOT just an emotion or feeling, lip service, simply loving His blessings, or doing good deeds to win His favor.  Loving God is a heart posture towards Him, compelled by the love He has shown us, that is demonstrated by our obedience to His Word:

• Jesus said to his disciples: If you love me, you will do as I command.  John 14:15 CEV
• In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome.  1 John 5:3 NIV
• And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.  2 John 6 NIV
• When you obey me you are living in my love, just as I obey my Father and live in his love.  John 15:10 TLB

Self-love and love for others should be secondary to our love for God.  Jesus emphasized this even further when he said that our love for God should be placed at such a high level that, by comparison, our love for ourselves and our loved ones should seem like hate:

If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.  

Luke 14:26 NLT

Now, there’s a Jesus quote that you NEVER see on a mug, T-shirt, or pillow! 

As Christians, we should NOT love ourselves more than we love God.  When not put in its proper secondary place, self-love is ALWAYS sinful.

A good litmus test of whether or not you are prioritizing self-love over your love for God is to ask yourself questions like:

• Do I agree with God about what He calls sin in His Word, or do I let my feelings dictate what is acceptable for me to do in life?
• Do I often pursue my desires even when they directly conflict with what God commands in His Word?
• Do I neglect spending time with God in His Word and prayer regularly because “I’m too busy” doing other things that I love more?

5. We Should Love Others as Much as We Love Ourselves

Rightly understanding that God is love, that the Holy Spirit empowers us to love, and that we are to love God through obedience to His Word above everything else is what lays the foundation and provides the context in which we should love ourselves and others.

We’ve covered the fact that God doesn’t say, “love yourself”.   But note that God also doesn’t say, “Don’t love yourself”. 

God does, however, give us permission to love ourselves within specific godly parameters.  Let’s take a look at our key passage once more to understand this:

“Teacher, what is the most important commandment in the Law?”  Jesus answered:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and most important commandment. The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is, “Love others as much as you love yourself.” All the Law of Moses and the Books of the Prophetsare based on these two commandments.

Matthew 22:36-40 CEV

Contrary to the secular mindset of ‘me, myself, and I’, NOTHING in this passage talks about catering to self. 

The parameters around the godly self-love that God requires from us are:

• that we are to love God more than ourselves
• and that we are to love others as much as we love ourselves

Our self-love should not be elevated above our love for others, nor should it hinder our love for others.

The godly type of self-love is a mindset that says:  I am going to take care of myself so that I can be better equipped to serve God by loving others. The best example is that of a parent and child relationship.  As a mom, you take care of yourself so you have the energy and means to take care of your child.

To love others is to care for and treat them the same way you want to be cared for and treated. 

And just to clarify, “others” includes EVERYONE – parents, siblings, children, friends, neighbors, employers, co-workers, and total strangers.  It includes those outside our race, social circles, neighborhoods, and political camps. Those who don’t share our background, level of education, or even our religious beliefs.  Those who get on our nerves, annoy us, frustrate us, mock us, accuse us, and persecute us.  It includes even our worst enemies. 

• If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,”you are doing right.  James 2:8 NIV
• So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  Luke 7:12 NIV
• In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.  Ephesians 5:28 NLT
• A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.  Proverbs 17:17 NIV
• Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.  Hebrews 13:1 NIV
• Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.  Ephesians 4:2 NLT
• You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.’ Matthew 5:43-45 NIV

When we love ourselves rightly according to God, we can learn to humbly serve Him by loving others just as much as we love ourselves.

6. Christian Self-Love Acknowledges God as the Source of ALL Good Things About Oneself

Another big deception about self-love that secular culture promotes is that we don’t need God.  You won’t hear those exact words being used, but the ideology subtly says that we can accomplish anything we set our minds to, on our own, without God.  This is why non-Christian culture promotes self-affirmations.  Self-affirmations focus on self, NOT God.

But the Bible teaches the exact opposite.  It teaches that all we are, all we have, and even all we accomplish stem from God and belong to God:

• For through him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth.  He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see—such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world.  Everything was created through him and for him.  He existed before anything else, and he holds all creation together.  Colossians 1:16-17 NLT
• And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands.  Acts 17:25-26 NIV
• You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.  You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.  Psalm 139:13-16 NLT
• “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.  The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”  Job 1:21 NIV
• Moreover, I have appointed Oholiab son of Ahisamak, of the tribe of Dan, to help him. Also I have given ability to all the skilled workers to make everything I have commanded you.  And he has given both him and Oholiab son of Ahisamak, of the tribe of Dan, the ability to teach others.  So Bezalel, Oholiab and every skilled person to whom the Lord has given skill and ability to know how to carry out all the work of constructing the sanctuary are to do the work just as the Lord has commanded. Exodus 31:6, 35:34, 36:1 NIV
• There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.  Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.  I Corinthians 12:4-7, 11 NIV
• For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10 NIV
• The Lord has made everything for his own purposes, even the wicked for a day of disaster. Proverbs 16:4 NLT
• I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come.  I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’ From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.  What I have said, that I will bring about; what I have planned, that I will do.  Isaiah 46:10-11 NIV
• Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.  James 4:13-16 NIV

Whether mankind acknowledges the sovereignty of God or not, it doesn’t negate the fact that He is in total control over EVERYTHING.  He is subject to no one and influenced by none.  God always does whatever He pleases.  He does NOT need us, but every human being needs Him – whether they realize it or not.

To rightly love ourselves as Christians is to humbly acknowledge the fact that we come from God, we continue to exist because of God, and everything we have comes from and belongs to God (our skills, talents, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, material possessions, money, etc.). 

Moses strongly warned the Israelites against forgetting who their source was and becoming conceited about their success, wealth, and accomplishments:

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.  You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. 

Deuteronomy 8:10-14, 17-18 NIV

We must always remember that we serve the only true and living God of the universe and that EVERYTHING good we have ever known – love, food, sex, laughter, money, friends, family, sleep, work, and success – comes from Him.  This humble mindset of gratitude towards God as our source will help keep our self-love in its proper place and perspective.

7. Christian Self-Love is Selfless, NOT Self-Centered

When it comes to learning to put off the self-centered love of our sinful nature, and walking in the pattern of the sacrificial, selfless love of Christ, it is important that we continually reflect on God’s love for us.

When we reflect on the fact that we are the recipients of a love from God that we don’t deserve, that should compel us all the more to follow the example of Christ and become selfless as we love others.

• My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  John 15:12 NIV
• You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave, and was born as a human being.  When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.  Philippians 2:5-8 NLT

Let’s take a look at several other bible verses that speak against self-centeredness and promote selflessness:

• Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.  Romans 12:3 NLT
• Everyone who is proud and arrogant in heart is disgusting and exceedingly offensive to the Lord; Be assured he will not go unpunished.  Proverbs 16:5 AMP
• If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.  Galatians 6:3 NLT
• Don’t brag about yourself— let others praise you.  Proverbs 27:2 CEV
• Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.  Galatians 5:26 NLT
• Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. I Corinthians 13:4-5 NIV
• Be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Romans 12:10 NIV
• Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  Galatians 6:2 NIV
• Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.  Proverbs 3:27 NIV
• Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.  Philippians 2:3 NIV
• John replied, “If you have two shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry.”  Luke 3:11 NLT
• Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.  1 Peter 4:8-10 NIV
• This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?  Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.  I John 3:16-18 NIV

As you can see, true Christian self-love has very little to do with catering to self and everything to do with selflessness. Selflessness considers the interests of others more important than your own.

When we set aside our own desires, wants, comforts, advantages, and possessions to honor God by loving others, we become more and more like Christ, which is our ultimate purpose. It helps us become who God intended us to be.

Selfishness, arrogance, boastfulness, pride, narcissism, and conceit are not only sinful, but they also bring out things in us that are contrary to what God wants for us.

Whenever people are jealous or selfish, they cause trouble and do all sorts of cruel things.

James 3:16 CEV

We may not realize it in the moment, but selflessness is a good thing for us and benefits us way more than selfishness.  This is why Jesus himself said:

It is more blessed to give than to receive.

Acts 20:35b

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can all learn to be less selfish and more selfless.  In fact, like the psalmist, it should be our prayer for ourselves: 

Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.

Psalm 119:36 NIV

God Wants Us to Love Ourselves – the Right Way

When we rightly understand what true love is, we can learn to love God, ourselves, and others the right way.  And that is exactly what God wants for us.

But we will never get there by ignoring what Scripture teaches us on the subject and embracing the unbiblical self-love teachings and affirmations of the world.

Too much focus on self can lead to excessive shame and self-criticism or sinful conceit and arrogance, neither of which pleases God.

True Christian Self-Love says:

• I acknowledge that I was born with a sinful, self-loving nature that does not please God. 
• I understand that as a Christian with a new nature, I am to despise my old sinful nature and strive daily to put off the things it produces that don’t please God.
• I understand that God loved me by giving His Son as an atoning sacrifice for my sins (something I didn’t deserve). He also equipped and empowered me with His Holy Spirit so that I can rightly exhibit and practice love in a way that honors and pleases Him.
• Therefore, I will love God above all (including myself), through obedience to His Word.
• His Word says to love others (EVERYONE) as I love myself and to care for and treat them as I want to be treated.
• I will always acknowledge that God is the source of everything good about me and my life.
• I will seek to follow the selfless examples as set forth by Jesus.

Let us all learn and pray to be less selfish, self-absorbed, and self-centered and to develop Christ’s selfless, sacrificial, others-focused, servant-like attitude.

Be Sure to Read Part 2 of this post series: 5 Essential Ways to Love Yourself the Way God Intended

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Demetra is a busy, self-employed, single mom who loves Jesus and is a fanatic about prioritizing her time with God!  She created In the Mirror of God to help other Christian women learn how regularly looking into our spiritual mirror (the Bible) equips us to cultivate a deeper relationship with God, think biblically about everything, conquer the challenges of everyday life, and truly enjoy life to the fullest, the way God intended.  Go here to learn more about her story, or visit her contact page to send a quick message.

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