I remember one of my favorite things to say to my three older children when they were growing up was, “be nice.”
Sometimes, it felt nearly impossible to get through a day without some major crisis unfolding between two, or all three of them.
The oldest would often pop the youngest over the head, the second-born (a daughter) would take great delight in getting her two brothers into trouble, and the third-born relished the fact that he had it a bit easier than his two older siblings.
Now, with a fourth one that came a full 15 years after our third, you know there is a lot of “you didn’t do that for us” going around.
Well, I admit, there’s truth to that statement, but we learn as we go, don’t we?
While we were waiting for our first child to be born, I recall thinking I would do everything better than everyone else (though I’m not sure why).
I knew how I wanted to raise my child in a certain way that was better than everyone else’s. I was sure that my household would be quiet and peaceful, with the laundry always folded, dinner on the table, and everyone being nice.
Still Working On It…
Fast forward 10 years, and I found myself up to my neck in raising children, living abroad, and working as a full-time church planter and community outreach coordinator in Africa. Honestly, I do not know how I made it through those years with my mind still somewhat intact.
The amount of work that goes into running a household in that region of Africa is stupefying.
There is no fast food (thankfully), no quick place to shop (you go to the market, which is an all-day ordeal), and keeping the house clean is a whole other post for another day. None of this considers the mission’s and the church’s work.
At the end of many days, both then and now, I still wonder how I made it through while trying to follow my own counsel to “be nice.”
Honestly, I wasn’t always as nice as I had hoped to be, but I always worked on it and am still working on it!
"Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you because you belong to Christ." - Ephesians 4:31,32 TLB
Speaking Our Minds and Being Nice
In the current supercharged world of “speaking our minds,” many have forgotten the need for those of us identifying as Christians to be kind to each other.
Everywhere we look these days, whether online, on TV, in print, or in person, there’s a strong negative current to “speak up for what is right.”
We are ambassadors of the Kingdom and our righteous King, but we won’t convince anyone of their need for Christ if our righteousness is covered in ugliness. No matter the situation, Scripture is clear: we must be nice.
Society has always been ugly, humanity has always been divided, and the church can’t fulfill itsmission when it looks, acts, and speaks like the world. Whatever happened to following Jesus’ advice to “Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29 NLT)
Have you ever noticed how exhausting it is to force change through anger or frustration? I wonder how many ulcers and troubles with high blood pressure could be averted by simply being nice.
Learning the Hard Way
I learned this truth the hard way years ago, serving here on the continent when I saw much hunger, injustice, and unnecessary death. I worked myself to the bone trying to bring about change. No matter how hard I worked, no matter how many hungry and vulnerable children I fed, there were always more who needed help.
I became tired and bitter about my situation and the unfairness of it all, until one day, after sickness forced me to rest, I understood that anything pulling me from Jesus’ yoke of rest is not His will for me.
Over time, I began to understand that this fallen world is full of sin, and sin can’t be dealt with on our terms.
Anger, frustration, overworking, and self-righteousness pull us away from His way of addressing man’s fallen nature by just being nice. The response of humanity to the message of the cross is not my responsibility; I am only responsible to bring the Good News. As long as there is sin in the world, there will be division, injustice, and pain.
This doesn’t mean we don’t speak the truth, for Scripture clearly instructs us to “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” (Ephesians 4:15 NLT).
What is our motive for speaking out, and what is our method? If our motive for reaching out to those we see lost in sin is love for them, then our methods will align with Scripture. Otherwise, we are only adding fuel to the fire of division instead of bringing Christ into the situation to redeem it.
How Has It Worked So Far?
How has frustration over the sinfulness of this world worked for us thus far? How has being angry helped any situation?
Jesus walked this fallen earth and was seldom seen responding to the world with anger and frustration; He had come to save them, give Himself for them, He died for them. His frustration was evident in the temple, among the “righteous,” who were too busy enriching themselves to reach out to those who truly needed help outside the temple (for us, this can be taken to mean the church).
My youngest daughter loves the movie Frozen and the theme song, “Let it go.” I rarely spiritualize animated movies, but today I will make an exception.
Those unfair, unrighteous, difficult things that frustrate you so deeply? Let them go. Take Jesus’ yoke upon you; He alone is qualified to judge rightly.
Now is the time to be the church in the world, speak in love, and simply put:
Be nice.
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