Dannah Gresh: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth wants her words to be like this:
Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: To speak words that are few but appropriate and are well-timed. Words that encourage. Words that speak wisdom.
Dannah: Do you want that too?
This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Lies Women Believe, for July 17, 2025. I’m Dannah Gresh.
Margaret Achieng Matohu listens to Revive Our Hearts on her phone in Uganda, and she remembers a time she hurt her husband with her words.
Margaret Achieng Matohu: I found myself being negative, especially towards him, with the words that I used.
Dannah: She recognized a need to repent for the way she spoke to her husband.
We’ll hear more from Margaret later. Her story illustrates the power of words. We’ve been listening to Nancy’s classic message on that very topic. She recorded it in the early days of Revive Our Hearts, but praise the Lord, his Word is timeless and powerful for us today. Let’s listen.
Nancy: It’s amazing how much damage little things can do. I read about an occasion September 11, 1995, when a squirrel climbed on some railroad power lines near New York City, set off an electrical surge which, according to this account, weakened an overhead bracket which led a wire dangle toward the tracks which tangled in a train which tore down all the lines.
And, as a result, 47,000 commuters were stuck in Manhattan for hours that night.
A squirrel. Just a little thing. But a lot of damage.
Well, over these last days we’ve been looking at Proverbs and we’ve being seeing how something as small as our tongues can create incredible damage. We have looked in the Book of Proverbs at a lot of wrong uses of our tongue. I just want to highlight some of those here by way of review and reminder.
We have talked about lying, the sin of:
- Deception and lying
- Slandering
- Gossip
- Too much talking, constant talking, idle chatter
- Giving false witness
- The sin of mocking with our tongues
- Harsh words, rough words
- Perverse words, words that are corrupt or evil, profane words
- Careless words
We didn’t hit this in this series but another thing Proverbs talks about is the whole area of boasting with our tongues. Another area we didn’t touch on is the area of quarreling—quarreling words, argumentative words, contentious words.
And by the way lest we forget, Proverbs reminds us that a husband would rather live in a corner of the rooftop or go out and live by himself in the wilderness than to have to live with a woman who has got a contentious spirit and a contentious tongue—the whole area of nagging. It can drive men away. It can drive them nuts. And often we do that with our tongues.
Proverbs talks about a foolish person using flattery, flattery with their words; ignorant words; foolish words.
And, oh my, as we have spent these days walking through this book of Proverbs, we have been convicted, we have confessed our sin, we have said, “Lord, it’s me, forgive me. I see that mirror of Your Word has exposed my heart. It has shown me the most sinful ways I use my tongue.”
We have seen that these sinful types of speaking are connected to a sinful heart because, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). And so we’ve cried, we’ve prayed and we’ve shared and asked the Lord to cleanse our hearts and cleanse our tongues.
We want to make sure that we are not just avoiding wrong uses of our tongue but that we are also using our tongues in ways that are right and wholesome and good.
During this series one of the women has said, “I’ve been thinking about taking a week-long fast from speaking.” That may not be a bad idea! I shared about how I did that for about forty hours—except when I broke that to speak to myself. But, you can’t go forever and not talk. And God doesn’t intend for us to go forever and not talk. God intends for us to use our tongues in ways that give life, that build up, that edify and encourage.
And Proverbs has given us a lot of insight into appropriate ways to use our tongues, to speak words that help, words that encourage, words that express wisdom, to speak words that are few but that are appropriate and are well-timed, words that are fitting, words that are kind, words that are true.
One area that we didn’t touch but it is stated throughout the book of Proverbs is using our tongues to speak wise rebuke. Now, that’s a double-edged sword because often when we are giving a rebuke, we are sure that it is wise, but the person receiving it may not be so sure that it is wise. And we need to make sure before we do give rebuke to others, if it is to your children or it is to a fellow church member or somebody at work, we need to make sure, first of all, that we have dealt with the issue in our own heart that we may be blind to. We may be seeing blatantly (in someone else’s life) what is not so obvious to us in our own lives.
And then when we do rebuke it has to be with a spirit of humility, with a spirit of meekness. But there is a place for loving, wise, kind rebuke. Proverbs talks about the beauty of “a wise reprover upon an obedient ear” (Prov. 25:12).
And God used that verse in my life not too long ago to speak to me about having an ear that responds to wise rebuke. You can’t talk about the tongue without talking about the ear. So if we are going to be giving wise rebuke, we need to make sure that we are listening to wise rebuke as God brings that into our paths.
And Proverbs talks about defending the cause of the helpless with our tongues, words that are carefully chosen.
I have to tell you, one of greatest fears about being in public ministry, about teaching the Word of God, is the danger of sinning with my tongue even while I am speaking—while I am speaking to others, while I am teaching the Word of God because Proverbs tells us that where there are many words, sin is inevitable (see Prov. 10:19). I know that the more I speak, the more likely the chance that I will sin with my tongue.
That is why I try to take the time to prepare. That is why I write a lot of notes because I know that when I get to speaking “off the cuff” or without thinking that I will be more likely to say something that is not wise or is not prudent or appropriate.
Now as we have seen these right uses of words and wrong uses of words what are we to do? Let me just give several concluding suggestions from the Word of God about what to do with what we have learned and what we have seen.
First, and always the first step is (as God shows us the issue in our heart) is to repent, to confess the ways that we’ve sinned with our mouth, not to focus on how others have sinned against us with their tongues but to focus on what God has shown us.
And then ask God to purify your heart. Ask Him to cleanse it because as you have a pure heart, you will speak pure words.
And then the third principle is to fill your heart with the Word of God.
Proverbs 30:5 tells us that every word of God is pure. So if my mind and my heart are filled with the Word of God, then when I get pushed or shoved or squeezed, what is going to come out? It’s going to be pure words, the Word of God.
Proverbs 2:6 tells us that the Lord gives wisdom. You want a wise heart, you want a wise tongue. Where you are going to get that wisdom? From the Lord. The Lord gives wisdom. “From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.”
Proverbs talks about having a mouth of knowledge, speaking wisely and knowledgeably. Where do you get true wisdom and knowledge? You get it from the Lord. So fill your mind, fill your thoughts, fill your heart with the Word of God.
And I will just tell you, if you are spending your time listening to the world’s television programs, reading the world’s magazines, reading the world’s books, filling your life with input from the world, you are going to talk like the world.
That’s why I needed to get up early this morning before we were together for this day and to get into the Word of God and let it saturate my mind and my heart, let it cleanse me, let it wash me, let it fill me so that by God’s grace when I speak today it will be words of wisdom.
And then number four, we need to guard our mouths—to set a bodyguard, a mouth guard, a tongue guard.We need to ask God to guard our tongues and to guard our hearts. And I have prayed many times over the years that God would guard my heart by the power of His Holy Spirit. He can keep a watch even when I am forgetting to keep a watch. But I also need to guard my own tongue. God is not going to do it without my cooperation.
Proverbs 13:3 tells us “He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.” Guard your mouth.
Proverbs 21:23, “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.”
And you know I think we can help each other with this. Lovingly, graciously, when we get on a roll, when we get in a group conversation where there are just too many words being said, too many things being said that are out of bounds, we need to learn how to graciously and lovingly bring ourselves back in and then even be used to bring others back in to a guarding position.
There is a verse that is not in the Proverbs but it is in the Psalms that I am going to challenge you to memorize and to make a part of your life. Psalm 141:3. It’s a prayer I have prayed many times. And I found myself in preparation for this series praying it again. Psalm 141:3, “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.”
If I were you I’d right that verse on several cards. Put one next to the telephone. I have a lot of phones in my house, so I need a lot of them! As you get on the phone, “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Put one in your bathroom where you get ready in the morning. Put one at your nightstand. Put one in your car. Before you go to a meeting, before you go to an appointment, before you have lunch with a friend, say this prayer: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.”
And Scripture says that if you guard your mouth and you get the Lord’s help in guarding your mouth, you will keep your soul from destruction and trouble.
And then ask God to make your words wise and kind. One of my very favorite verses in the book of Proverbs comes from chapter 31. Proverbs 31:26. And this is one other verse that I would encourage you to memorize. It’s talking here about the woman of virtue.
And it says “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” Would your family say that that verse describes you? Would the people in your workplace say that that verse describes the way you talk? They say, “That woman, whenever she opens her mouth, what comes out is so wise.” “Whenever she speaks, even if she is giving direction and instruction to her children or laying down the law, it’s still with kindness.” “She is a wise and kind woman.” That is the kind of woman I want to be.
Now, I tell you, it doesn’t come naturally. It comes supernaturally. By the power of the Holy Spirit controlling us, filling us, we can become women who have wise, kind hearts and speak wise and kind words.
What a gift for you to give to your family, to your husband, to give to your children, to give to your roommate, to give to your fellow workers, to give to those you go to church with, those in your neighborhood, your friends; a wise and kind heart out of which flow wise and kind words.
O Lord, how we pray that You would do a work of grace in our hearts and in relation to our tongues. I want to be a woman who opens her mouth with wisdom and who speaks with a law of kindness.
Lord, we’ve seen it is not just what we say, it is how we say it. It’s the tone of voice. It is the timing, the appropriateness. Some of us have laid down the law and given direction, but it’s not been the right time; it’s not been spoken with kindness. Oh Lord, please change us, transform us, forgive us, cleanse us, remake us, guard us.
Set a guard over my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips that the words that come out may be words that reflect beauty and grace and draw people to the Savior who is the living, eternal Word of God. We pray in Jesus’ name, amen.
Dannah: Can you think of a time when you failed to guard your mouth? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has been reminding you that you can be forgiven for every sinful word because of what Jesus did for you on the cross.
Not only will the Lord forgive you, He will also teach you how to use your words to bring Him glory. Margaret, a faithful listener and pastor’s wife from Uganda, has been learning just that—that you can use your words to bring God glory.
Early in her marriage, Margaret fell into sinful speech patterns toward her husband.
Margaret: I found myself using a lot of being negative, especially towards him, with the words that I used.
Dannah: When you experience hardships in life and in marriage, you can become blind to the good qualities of your spouse. But for Margaret, God used the Husband Encouragement Challenge from Revive Our Hearts to open her eyes again.
Margaret: They would direct us to think of different areas in which you could encourage your husband. Is he generous? Is he hard working? Is he kind? And pick some of those things and tell him, especially for me during that time. I think because they gave us those pointers, it opened my mind to like, “Oh, wow, yeah! There are the many things that I can say about my husband where I can tell him, I can encourage him, instead of focusing on on the negative.
Dannah: But don’t just take Margaret’s word for it. Here’s her husband Joseph to testify.
Joseph: It was challenging, but yet she did it well. I was really encouraged. I think having gone through that exercise really has made her extra supportive. Sometimes she deals with things in impatience, and sometimes it makes me even feel ashamed that I’m not doing the right thing by her. But the the idea that she remains constructively positive, that’s really encouraging to just see that attitude in her heart. That’s refreshing, and I think it has strengthened our marriage
Dannah: Margaret wants to encourage the woman who is wrestling with negative words like she was.
Margaret: I think I would first use go to Scriptures. I really love the Scriptures that they were used in the Husband Encouragement Challenge—the Scripture in Proverbs that says it is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. That really scares me. I remember asking my husband, “Am I that? True or what?” It’s just caring to think you’re living with someone, but they would rather be outside. And many other Scriptures, like Ephesians, 4:29, on how to build one another.
Dannah: Ephesians 4:29—that’s such a good one. It says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” I love the ways God is using Scriptures like this one to renew Margaret’s mind and transform her speech. You know what else I love? Margaret’s heart for her friends to experience this same transformation in their marriages.
Margaret: One of the things I’ve also done with like friends who have been afforded this is to actually also pray with them, follow up with them once in a while. How are they doing in terms of their relationship with their husband? So we pray and just keep the conversation going, to encourage them, but also to remind them that they are not alone.
Dannah: That’s right—you are not alone. So good. This couple was a delight to hear from. I’m so encouraged by the reminder that the message of Revive Our Hearts is crossing oceans, impacting women, and marriages, and whole families in Uganda with the truth of God’s Word. Margaret told us:
Margaret: You might not know because you’re very far, but please believe us that you’re doing an incredible job in encouraging people all over the world, here in Africa, at least I know. I’ve been to I’ve been to Kenya and now in Uganda. I know there are several women who are listening to Revive Our Hearts, and that has changed their perspective in how to live as a godly woman, how to handle Scriptures and just how to to stand firm as a woman in this fallen world.
Dannah: Margaret’s husband, Joseph, joined in, too.
Joseph: My dear wife, even before I got married to her, she loved Revive Our Hearts. She told me about it, I think when we’re dating and stuff. And then in our marriage life, I don’t think there’s a month when she has not like come back to Revive Our Hearts. Sometimes I envy her that she has this personal space with Revive Our Hearts. I need to also find a Revive Our Hearts for men. I don’t know who Nancy DeMoss is for men.
But yeah, I’m really grateful for the impact. I think that goes to shape her heart as a wife, as a mother, and I’m really grateful as a church planter’s wife. So we look forward to encouraging more and more women in the church plant. We look forward to encourage our daughter through all that she’s learning from there as one-on-one ministry will be going on there with women.
Dannah: Praise God for using Revive Our Hearts here in the U.S. and around the world. For a list of the international ministries of Revive Our Hearts, visit ReviveOurHearts.com/international. It’s beautiful to see the work God is doing through this ministry.
Now, maybe you’re like Margaret. You’re married and you’re having a hard time speaking graciously to or about your husband, but you want to change that. If so, we want to invite you to take on the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. Visit ReviveOurHearts.com/challenges or find the link in the transcript of today’s episode to sign up. When you do, you’ll receive the same encouragement from Scripture that Margaret did.
We’re able to offer things like the Husband Encouragement Challenge to women all over the world because listeners give generously to Revive Our Hearts. If this ministry has blessed you, if it’s impacted your marriage or the way you use your words, would you consider giving?
Right now, when you make a donation of any amount, we’ll send you a booklet by Nancy called The Power of Words. It’s yet another Scripture-filled resource that will help you connect your heart with your words. The goal is to get to the root of any speech-related sins in your life so you can be set free. To donate, visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959.
We’ve learned so much in this series about how we can use our words for God’s glory. But what do you do when other people have hurt you through their sinful words? Nancy will address that tomorrow.
Nancy: Some of you have tender, sensitive hearts, but the enemy can use that tenderness and that sensitivity and that wonderful memory to also cause us to live in defeat and bondage because of words that have been spoken that have lodged in our hearts as that piercing sword that we talked about in Proverbs, that can be very destructive.
God doesn’t intend that you should live under the bondage of words that have been spoken to you that were not biblical or godly or not appropriately timed. So what does the Scripture say about how we can respond when we’ve been the recipients of hurtful words?
A number of passages come to mind. First of all, we have to go back to the Word. “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God” (John 1:1). Who was the Word? Jesus Christ is God’s Word, and the Word put on flesh and dwelt among us. Jesus Christ, who is the expression, the revelation of who God is, that’s the Word. He came to this earth, and I think in context of the passage in Psalm 107, verse 20, that says, “He sent His Word and healed them.”
Now, the ministry of Christ is multifaceted. Of course, His purpose for coming to earth was redemptive. It was to go to the cross and to suffer and die and bear the penalty for our sins. Part of what He bore there on the cross was all the hurtful, hateful, ugly hearts that produced hurtful, hateful, ugly words. Those we’ve spoken and those that have been spoken to us.
He paid the penalty, which is death. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. He took the death that is the fruit of our evil words and the fruit of the evil words that have been spoken to us. “By His wounds,” 1 Peter chapter 2, verse 24, says, “you have been healed.” There is healing available to us through the cross of Christ. That’s part of why God sent His Word to us so that His Word could heal us from all the damage that words have done to us and the damage that our words have done to others.
We’ve got to go back to the cross. That’s where the price was paid. That’s where the penalty was paid. That’s where that sin was dealt with.
Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.
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