I had to make a lot of changes and redefine what it meant to fill my cup. Self-care and my mental health are still essential priorities for me, but the way I go about nurturing that is completely different now. Motherhood is unpredictable so you have to be okay with plans changing, daily. This was a very challenging adjustment for me, to not have control. I know that I can’t take care of my kids if I neglect myself, but all the things I used to enjoy felt like work, and I do not have the capacity to add to my to-do list. Bubble baths and face masks do not cure sleep deprivation or take away the anxiety when you feel like everyone is counting on you at home and at work, but you feel like you’re letting everyone down.
There’s no such thing as a day off in my life right now. I’ve learned it’s okay to accept that having a thorough shower and blow drying my hair is good enough. Self-care for me today doesn’t involve much “doing” because I don’t have a lot of help. Claiming moments for alone time are key but not often realistic. I have learned to give myself a lot of grace.
My body and mind are always tired. Sleep and rest are the ultimate way I care for myself today. I intentionally crawl into bed at 9:00pm twice per week at minimum. I feel good when I exercise because it is how I maintain mind body connection. It’s a physical release of all the stress I carry. I used to go to my fitness studio four or five classes per week, now I book three and I have to be okay with only making it to one because someone came home from school with a fever. Having my mom come over so I can clean, go to the bank, walk my dog, or run errands in peace is self-care because I can get my life in order. These things I do for myself are good for me, and as a result, they’re good for my children.
Interacting with other moms and building my community is extremely important for my mental health. It took some time to find my people, other parents who I can genuinely relate to. Parenting styles, lifestyle, core values, etc. These are the people who help normalize the things that no one wants to talk about. These are the people who see me when I feel like I can’t breathe. We are not alone in our struggles. We need to be careful what we consume and what society is portraying as self-care. We can find self-care in one another, connection. Comparison is killer when you’re in survival mode, especially as a new mom or working mom. And we must let go of expectations of both our children and ourselves. The truth is, like you, I’m still just trying to figure it all out.
