Seaton: Questions I’ve Avoided Asking

Hello again, friends! Welcome back to the Friday Funny, where we dive into the absurd, the awkward, and the downright questionable with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. As kids, we were told there’s no such thing as a stupid question. Those people were liars. Stupid questions flood the universe every second—some whispered in boardrooms, others shouted in comment sections. But there’s another breed of question: the ones we avoid asking, not because they’re dumb, but because they’re… delicate. They tiptoe on the edge of decorum, threatening to topple into a social minefield.

Well, today, we’re throwing caution to the wind. This is a safe place, folks! Let’s unpack some of those questions I’ve been dodging, with a bit of wit and a lot of curiosity.

First up: How do white people celebrate Juneteenth without stepping on toes? It’s a federal holiday now, and I’m genuinely curious about the etiquette. For me, last Juneteenth meant scrambling to get payroll done a day early because of the bank holiday. Which brings me to another question: Does Juneteenth need to be a bank holiday? Don’t get me wrong—commemorating the end of slavery is crucial. But does closing banks help us honor it, or does it just slow down the cash flow? Couldn’t we celebrate just as meaningfully with faster direct deposits? I’m not saying I’ve got the answer, but I’m asking the question.

Next, a cultural conundrum: When Mormons watch Sister Wives, are they side-eyeing the screen in judgment or nodding along like, “Yep, been there”? The show’s a fascinating peek into polygamy, but I wonder how it lands with those who share the faith’s roots. Is it a guilty pleasure or a point of pride? Someone needs to spill the celestial tea.

Speaking of subcultures, let’s talk fast food. If McDonald’s rebranded Happy Meals as “Sad Meals,” would goth kids flock to them for the irony? Picture it: black packaging, a single wilted fry, and a toy that’s just a tiny coffin. Would that be peak edgy, or would they still complain it’s too mainstream? I need to know where the line is for teenage rebellion these days.

Here’s one I’ve pondered in private: Do narcissistic lesbians ever get caught staring at themselves in the mirror, mid-self-admiration? I mean, narcissism doesn’t discriminate, but the mental image of someone pausing to wink at their own reflection is too good not to question. No shade, just curiosity.

Then there’s Amazon’s Prime Day. Why is it four days long? Isn’t the whole point of calling it a “day” to keep it snappy? Stretching it out feels like calling a weekend a “moment.” Are we just supposed to pretend the other three days don’t exist? Jeff Bezos, explain yourself.

Now, let’s get weird: Do those used panty vending machines in Japan actually exist? I’ve heard the rumors for years, but has anyone seen one in the wild? And more importantly, what’s the appeal? Is it a niche fetish, a prank, or just urban legend fuel? I’m not judging (okay, maybe a little), but I need answers.

On a more serious note: Why do feminists seem perpetually mad at men? I get that history’s got some baggage—oppression, inequality, all that jazz. But is there anything men have done that gets a thumbs-up? Like, what about the cotton gin? Eli Whitney’s invention revolutionized agriculture, right? Can we at least give a nod to that kind of progress, or is it all canceled by default?

Here’s a domestic dilemma: In a marriage, what’s more important—marital aids or new flooring? I saw signs for both in Sevierville, Tennessee, and now I’m wondering which one keeps the spark alive longer. A vibrator might spice things up, but fresh hardwood floors could make you feel like you’re winning at adulting. Tough call.

Pop culture’s got me stumped too. If everyone’s equal, why do we need a white Black Panther? Marvel, care to clarify? The character’s rooted in African heritage, so a race swap feels like a head-scratcher. Is it representation or just pandering? I’m all ears for the explanation.

Then there’s Mel Brooks. Is he the ultimate antidote to antisemitism? His films like Blazing Saddles and The Producers tackle hate with humor so sharp it could cut steel. If you think he’s not, I’d argue you’re missing the point of satire. Introspection’s key here—humor can dismantle prejudice in ways lectures never could.

Let’s pivot to dining etiquette. What’s more embarrassing: arguing with your server at an Italian restaurant or them cheaping out on the breadsticks? I’d say the latter—those unlimited breadsticks are a sacred covenant. Skimp on them, and you’re practically spitting in my soup.

Speaking of Italian food: Can anyone call Olive Garden “authentic” without cracking up? If you can, when did you check out of the mental health ward? No offense to the breadstick faithful, but it’s more “Italian-inspired” than Nonna’s kitchen.

Back to Mormon TikTok—how does “magic underwear” play into those videos? I’ve seen the term thrown around, but what’s the deal? Is it a sacred garment or a punchline? I’m genuinely curious about the logistics and the lore.

Pet owners, listen up: If you call your cat “Mama Kitty” at the vet, you know they’re judging you, right? It’s like walking in with a glittery leash and expecting respect. Own it, but don’t be surprised by the side-eye.

Finally, can we get that Turkish Olympic shooter—the silver medalist who went viral for his casual swagger—on an American reality show? The guy’s a walking meme, exuding cool while nailing bullseyes. I smell a hit series, and Hollywood’s sleeping on it.

These questions might ruffle feathers, but that’s the point of a safe space, right? To poke at the uncomfortable, laugh at the absurd, and maybe learn something along the way. So, what’s a question you’ve been avoiding? Drop it in the comments, and let’s keep the Friday Funny rolling.