I like maths.
I’ve always been good with numbers which is surprising considering my brain operates heavily from the right creative sphere. Numbers are a secure fact. They are definitive, structured and provide a sense of completion. They are trusted.
I have vivid memories of counting the sides of my classroom windows throughout my school years. 1-2-3-4 sides to one glass louvre. There were usually six a side which made that 24. A whole window 48 and so forth.
This obsession morphed into pavements, signs and essentially anything with a sharp edge or defined shape was counted. This behaviour didn’t show up in a compulsive manner, more a self soothe practice that made me extremely efficient in multiplication.
Once I dominated the 4 times tables I challenged myself with curved edges. For example if a sign which was evidently rectangular had a slight curvature on each angle- this would be counted as 3. Therefore a rectangular sign which would normally be counted as 4, would now be 16.
This process cannot be applied to the human experience. People are very difficult to count by characteristics. You can count actions and possibly distinct freckles but the complexities of human behaviour cannot be defined by a digit. And similarly the result of others actions towards you cannot be accurately recorded by numeric value.
Whether the magnitude of pain is unmeasurable or you simply lose count.
I know this as true because I stopped counting.
