The End Of A Chapter – BPDOLOGY (NormalIs2Mainstream)

Hi all,

I wanted to share that I don’t think I’ll be returning to blogging or Twitter. This year has been incredibly personal for me. I returned to therapy and learned some difficult but necessary truths about myself, and my past.

For a long time, I believed BPD was the right diagnosis for me. I understood myself through that lens, and DBT gave me tools that genuinely helped. But through deeper reflection — and through the clarity that comes from truly being listened to — I’ve begun to realise that my struggles were rooted much more in trauma than in a personality disorder.The trauma shaped me in ways I didn’t fully see:the fawning, the self-abandonment, the difficulty asserting boundaries, the way my anger scared me even though it was really self-respect trying to surface.

As a child, self-blame felt safer than holding the people who hurt me accountable. My therapist said I tried to make the world feel “fair” by telling myself everything bad that happened was deserved. So I grew up believing I had to fix myself — not recognising when others were the ones behaving harmfully.This year, I finally faced the truth that some people will violate boundaries no matter how clearly you communicate them.

It wasn’t about me being “too emotional” or “not trying hard enough.” Sometimes people don’t listen because they don’t want to.Looking back now, I’m doing so without the old self-blame. Without “I should have been nicer/I should have tried harder.” The reality is: I gave chances. I offered understanding. I stayed longer than what was healthy for me.

I’m learning to tune into my emotions instead of pushing them down. Emotions are signals — a roadmap to who we are and I’m grateful to have a therapist who helps me hear them, friends who support me, and my mum who has seen me got though it all and rise again.

I no longer feel qualified to write about BPD from the perspective I once had. My emotional sensitivity came from chronic stress a child shouldn’t endure. My reactivity came from an overwhelmed nervous system that never learned safety. My fear of abandonment wasn’t just emotional — it was tied to very real experiences of rejection, violence, and belittlement.

Unlearning everything I once held onto has been painful, but it’s also freeing.I’m seeing my past posts with new eyes now. There’s still value in them — they reflect a very real chapter of my life. If they help you, please take what resonates.If I ever return to writing, it may be with a focus on trauma and healing. But for now, I’m going to step back.

Thank you all for your support over the years.Be kind to yourselves.Sending love to you all.

Gabby