We need to Talk About ‘The Table’

Let’s talk, Sister Joy. Come closer.

At our big age — past 25 — that question “What do you bring to the table?” should not be causing heat in your chest. Truly, it shouldn’t. Because at this point, you are not just vibes and a cute selfie. There has to be something you’re bringing, and deep down, you know it.

This is not an attack. It’s simply acknowledging growth.
In your 25+ years, you have lived, learned, stumbled, healed, unlearned, and matured. Even if your offering isn’t financial (and that’s okay), you must be bringing something meaningful.

So if that question still irritates you… maybe it’s time to pause and ask yourself why.

You Should Be Bringing Clarity — Not Chaos

At this age, emotional tantrums should be rare guests, not permanent tenants. We’ve all had our dramatic era (I know ), but hopefully, you’ve grown in emotional regulation. You’ve learned that conflict isn’t solved by shouting, blocking people mid-conversation, or disappearing for days.

Clarity looks like:

• Knowing what you want
• Communicating without manipulation
• Being self-aware
• Taking responsibility for your triggers

This is growth — and growth is part of what you bring to the table.

Self-Work Is Not Optional — It’s Necessary

I hope you’ve worked on you.
I hope you’re still working on you.

And please, let’s expand our definition of “school.” Education isn’t limited to four lecture halls and a graduation gown. Today, we have:

If you want to grow, the world is literally at your fingertips. The question is: are you taking advantage of it?

Because what you bring to the table is not about degrees only — it’s about wisdom, growth, and intentional improvement.

Not Everything You Bring Must Be Monetary

When people ask, “What do you bring to the table?” many panic because they assume it is about money. But money is only one piece of the puzzle.

You bring:

• Peace
• Perspective
• Support
• Emotional maturity
• Stability
• Vision
• Healing
• Softness
• Strength
• Nurture
• Intelligence

These things cannot be bought. And they matter just as much.

And Now, Brother Bernard… Let’s Talk

This message is not for the ladies alone.
Brother Bernard, please come to the front.

If you’re pursuing a woman past 25, please understand: you can only flaunt money for so long. Yes, money is good — we love it, we appreciate it, we respect it. But after money… then what?

Because chances are, you didn’t find her in her mother’s house.
You found her:

• Paying rent for her single room or bedsitter
• Paying for her own hair
• Paying electricity and water
• Paying mama fua
• Taking herself out for shawarma when life gets stressful

She may not be wealthy, but she can take care of her basic needs. So when you remove money from the equation, what else do you bring?

Emotional Intelligence Matters — A Lot

Sister Joy is checking your EQ before your M-Pesa balance.

EQ looks like:

• Can she talk to you without feeling judged?
• Are you a safe space?
• Do you listen or do you wait to reply?
• Can you handle difficult conversations gracefully?
• How do you respond when you are angry?
• Can she trust you emotionally, not just financially?

Because a relationship is built on two whole people, not two wallets.

6. “Women Are Too Picky”… Are We Really?

People love to say women after 25 are “too picky.”
But honestly — what’s not to pick? This is not choosing a pair of socks. This is a lifetime commitment.

You are choosing:

• A co-parent
• A prayer partner
• A best friend
• A confidant
• A financial teammate
• A life companion
• The person who will influence your peace or your stress

Surely, you won’t pick carelessly.

My Thoughts? Let’s All Bring Substance to the Table

After 25, both men and women should bring more than aesthetics and banter. Bring maturity. Bring emotional intelligence. Bring healed versions of yourself. Bring kindness. Bring stability. Bring accountability. Bring growth.

Relationships at this stage require more intentionality.
More depth.
More vision.
More self-awareness.

Because you’re not just choosing a partner — you’re choosing a future. A home. A legacy. A level of peace you’ll live with indefinitely.

Choose well. And more importantly, be someone worth choosing