One night after my kids were in bed, I came across a quote from a doctor and author who specializes in childhood development and trauma, and this one simple sentence hit me right in the gut:
“Love felt by the parent does not automatically translate into love experienced by the child.”
Dr. Gabor Maté
In other words, even though I love my children with every fiber of my being, they won’t feel that love unless I intentionally show them.
At first, I’d scoffed. Of course I’d shown that I love them. Then replaying our day together in my head, I hunted for examples to reassure myself.
But the memories that came back to me told a different story:
- When they were dragging their feet in the morning, I nagged them to finish getting ready.
- When the preschooler dumped his PBJ on the ground and the dog gobbled it up in 2.3 seconds, I huffed and I puffed.
- When I came out of my home office at the end of the afternoon and saw LEGOs and Magna-Tiles and animal figurines covering every square inch of the floor, I demanded they clean it up before dinner.
Sure, I’d delivered a quick good morning and good night hug and said “I love you” to all four kids. But I couldn’t recall a single moment where I stopped and truly showed my children that I love them unconditionally and joyfully.
Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of 75 positive phrases to show your child you love them.
Here’s Why This Matters
Research shows that children who grow up feeling loved and accepted by their parents tend to have a healthier self-esteem, fewer behavior problems, and better academic performance. Not only that, children who feel loved grow into adults who report higher life satisfaction and happiness, experience greater success, and have better physical health.
The science is clear: Children need unconditional love from their parents. Every child needs at least one person in their life who makes them feel absolutely loved—and they need to know that nothing they do will make that love go away.
But Here’s the Problem
As parents, instinctually we already know how important it is to show love for our children. We don’t need a scientific study to tell us that.
And yet, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the chaos of daily parenting life and forget to make space for intentional, meaningful moments where you show that you love your children.
Even if you do have a loving ritual like a good morning hug or a good night cuddle, sometimes we can get busy or distracted and go through the motions instead of focusing on connecting with our child in the moment. While some connection is always better than nothing, those rushed moments may not be truly filling your child’s tank of unconditional love.
What’s a Busy Parent to Do?
If you want your child to feel secure in your love for them, the best way to do that is by showing love for your child in small, simple ways.
Kids don’t need grand gestures or physical presents to feel your love for them. All they need are small, everyday moments where through our words and actions, we show them they are loved and lovable.
Below, I compiled a list of all the most heartfelt and simple ways to love your child in everyday life. But we certainly don’t need more heaped onto our already overflowing parenting plates. No more to-do’s, no more chores, and definitely no more guilt.
And so I’m also sharing a practical fix to help you make space for these small everyday moments of love and connection, based on the research of behavior change.
How to Love Your Child, Even When You’re Short on Time
When you want to make a change amidst the hustle and bustle of parenting life, you need a visual cue. Something to serve as a gentle reminder to switch out of survival mode once or twice a day and fill your child’s love tank.
Because when you’re trying to stick to a habit, research shows that a visual cue can remind you of your intention when you’re most likely to forget it.
For example:
- If you were to set a goal to eat healthier, you could leave a neon bright Post-It Note on your fridge to remind yourself that “Snack = veggies only.”
- Or if you wanted to stick to an exercise routine every morning, you could set your workout clothes on your nightstand the night before as a visual reminder to nudge you forward.
For my visual cue, I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child and show that you love them unconditionally. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to connect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond with your child. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.
And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.
101 Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day
You don’t always have time to drop everything and spend a whole afternoon connecting with your child, so the list below is organized by the amount of time each idea might take. When you’re busy, pick from the 10 Minutes or Less section. When you can afford to hit the pause button on your never-ending to-do list for a bit longer, pick from the other sections.
But even if all you can manage is one quick item from this list, know that you will be giving your child the gift of feeling loved and lovable.
10 Minutes or Less: Quick But Powerful
When you’re busy and short on time, here are the best ways to show your child you love them.
1. Say “I love you,” but mix it up.
Your child loves hearing these three magic words from you. But if you’ve been saying “I love you” on autopilot, you can mix up the routine with 50 cute ways to say “I love you” to your child so they feel secure in your love.
2. Give them a hug that lasts.
Even older kids and teenagers need physical affection! Make sure the hug lasts six seconds or more so you nurture your bond with your child, and challenge yourself to be the last one to let go of the hug. Here’s why hugging your child like that is important.
If your child isn’t used to you dishing out impromptu hugs, try a high-five or fist bump instead and work up to hugs. Or If you want to surprise and delight your child at the same time, try a new kind of hug: 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved.
3. When they talk, get low.
If your child starts a conversation with you, stop what you’re doing and get down to eye level with them to show they’ve got your full attention. As parents, we’re often already busy when our kids approach us—loading the dishwasher, paying bills, checking email on your phone—so giving your child your full and undivided attention for a few moments is powerful.
Here’s a mental image that helps me: When my youngest comes up to get my attention, I imagine I’m hitting a pause button in my brain, then crouch down to his level so I’m looking him in the eye while he talks.
4. Ask a meaningful question.
Forget “How was your day?” because it typically just leads to one-word answers or shrugs. Instead, ask one of these powerful questions for kids, and you’ll make your child feel known, heard, and understood.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
5. Cuddle up with a book together.
Your child is never too young and never too old—read to them. Not only will they love it, reading to your child is one of the most powerful steps you can take to raise smart, kind kids.
Try reading at bedtime, while they eat breakfast or lunch, or as a way to connect when they get home from school. For older kids, you might take turns reading aloud from the same book, or try another one of these tips for reading aloud to older kids.
If you want to read a sweet book that makes your child feel loved, these children’s books about love would be the perfect fit. And if your child asks for one more story, say “yes” to show them you love spending time with them.
6. Greet with your whole heart.
The first time you see your child in the morning, stop what you’re doing and give them a heartfelt “good morning” along with a hug, then ask them what their plans are for the day. Also, greet them with your full attention when they get home from school or you pick them up, or when you get home from work or running errands.
For every greeting, try to physically connect with your child as well, whether with a hug, a shoulder rub, or simply moving a strand of hair out of their face. Research shows that physical touch is important to a child’s wellbeing, even well beyond infancy. Warm, affectionate physical contact—like a hug, rubbing your child’s back, or holding hands—increases oxytocin, which is a hormone in the body that promotes bonding in a relationship and facilitates feelings of trust between humans. And when you connect with your child through positive physical touch, they’ll be less likely to experience depression as an adult.
7. Go beyond “I love you.”
Say one of these 75 positive phrases for kids to make your child feel loved. Bonus points if you get their attention by saying their name first and make eye contact while you say the phrase. (Don’t forget to grab your free printable of these phrases at the end of this article!)
8. Apologize.
Modeling an appropriate apology teaches your child how to be a kind, thoughtful human. For example, if you lost your temper and raised your voice, tell your child you’re sorry and that you’ll try to do better next time.
Your apology shows your child you care about making things right, plus you’ll teach them one of the most basic lessons of life—how to take responsibility for your own behavior.
9. Warm their coat.
On cold mornings, put your child’s jacket in the clothes dryer for a few minutes to get it nice and toasty before they have to brave the cold. If your child walks to school in cold weather, you can also get hand warmers for them to keep in their pockets on the coldest days.
As an alternative, you can warm up their towel or pajamas in the dryer while they’re in the shower or bath.
10. Smother them in kisses.
Tell your child you’re the Kiss Monster (don’t forget to roar!) and deliver as many kisses as you can until you both collapse into giggles. You can kiss the top of their head, their shoulder, their elbows—anything to get them laughing. (Warning: If at any point your child says “stop” or “no,” honor their wishes so that you’re teaching them healthy lessons about body autonomy.)
- Ages: Toddler to elementary
11. Leave a surprise note.
You can put a slip of paper in your child’s school lunchbox, a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror or their nightstand, a card in the toy box, and so on. If you’re not sure what to write: Tell a joke, write down what you admire about them, or just say “I love you.” For kids who aren’t reading yet, you can leave a drawing instead of a written note.
Or if you have a little extra time, try writing a poem about your child. My oldest daughter had a project in fourth grade where parents were encouraged to write a poem about their kids. I was nervous to write a poem since that’s not in my wheelhouse, but when I read the finished poem aloud to my daughter, she beamed.
As an alternative, if you have magnetic poetry†, you can leave a sweet message on the fridge for your child to discover.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
12. Just smile.
As parents, we tend to feel overwhelmed and frazzled, and that often shows in our facial expressions. To show your child you love them, make eye contact and smile with your whole heart, letting your love for them shine through. No need to say anything—your warm smile will speak volumes!
A side note on the topic of lighting up when you see your child: When Toni Morrison made an appearance on Oprah to talk about her books, she just so happened to drop one of the most powerful pearls of parenting wisdom I’ve ever heard, which you can see in the clip below.
13. Ask their opinion.
Say, “I’d love to hear what you think about…” Then ask your child’s opinion on something that matters, like what to have for dinner that night, what to do on the weekend, which movie to watch together on family movie night, which restaurant to go to as a family, where to go on your next family vacation, and so on.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
14. Join in for snack time.
Instead of catching up on your to-do list while your child eats breakfast, lunch, or a snack, sit down for a few minutes just to be with them. Ask one of these powerful questions for kids, tell each other jokes, or read them a funny picture book.
15. Give a quiet kiss.
When your child is busy making art, reading a book, or building with LEGOs, stop to kiss them on the top of their head, then keep on going without interrupting them.
16. Check in.
Stop what you’re doing, get on their level, and ask, “Tell me how you’re feeling.” Not only will you foster emotional intelligence by helping them to be aware of their own emotional state, you’ll show them you care.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
17. Play with their hair.
Most kids enjoy the feeling of someone playing with their hair, so if your child enjoys that, it can be a sweet way to show you love them. You can brush their hair, braid it, or try out a new hairstyle. Or for short hair, you can ruffle the hair at the back of their neck or twirl bits of their hair.
18. Share a memory.
Surprise your child by reminiscing about a specific memory from when they were younger, the story of their birth or adoption, or any other special memory. You can start by saying, “You know what just popped in my head? When you were younger…”
As an alternative, you can share a funny, cute, or slightly embarrassing story from when you were a child.
19. Ask a funny question.
These funny questions for kids are so silly and off-the-wall, they lead to shared giggles and sometimes all-out guffaws. And that’s perfect when you want to make your child feel loved because research shows that when you laugh together, you feel more connected and strengthen your relationship.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
20. Brush off mistakes.
When your child makes a mistake like spilling something or breaking something, train yourself to react with an upbeat, “That’s okay! Accidents happen,” instead of, “You need to be more careful!” It’s a simple shift, but you’ll show your child that you love them, no matter what.
21. Give a different kind of kiss.
Ask your child if you can give them a kiss, but make it a special one:
- Butterfly kiss—Flutter your eyelashes against their cheek
- Bunny kiss—Touch your noses together and rub back and forth (some families call this a muzzle nuzzle, a gnome kiss, or an Ugga Mugga from Mister Rogers or Daniel Tiger)
- Kunik kiss—Try an authentic kunik kiss from the Inuit culture
- Cheek kiss—Press your cheeks together
- Quadruple kiss—Kiss your child’s nose, then each cheek, then their forehead
- Puppy kiss—Pretend to slurp their cheek
- Forehead kiss—Touch your foreheads together
- Blow a kiss—If they blow one back to you, pretend to catch it in your hand and deliver it to your heart
- Fish kiss—Suck your cheeks in to pucker up, then move your lips up and down like a fish underwater and kiss their cheek (Bonus points if you flap your hands at your cheeks like gills!)
- Monkey kiss—Puff your cheeks out, pull your ears to the side, and release a puff of air on their cheek
By the way, if you know of any other fun kinds of kisses to give your child, leave a comment at the end of this article, and I’ll add yours to this list!
- Ages: Toddler to elementary
22. Wake them gently.
If you wake up your child when it’s time to get up in the morning, instead of barging into their room and bellowing “Time to wake up!”, try sitting on the edge of their bed and rubbing their back until they wake up. Or if they tend to wake up before you, set your alarm early one morning, then climb into bed with them and cuddle until they wake up.
23. Show your appreciation.
Think of something helpful your child has done recently and say, “I appreciate when you…” Bonus tip: Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. That’s because your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.
For more ways to recognize kids for helpful behavior, check out The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work.
24. Invite them to sit in your lap.
Yes, even lanky teenagers! Older kids may giggle and act a little awkward about it at first, but they’ll also secretly love it. With younger kids, you can gently rock side to side while you cuddle.
If sitting in your lap doesn’t feel like the right fit, invite them to sit next to you instead by saying, “Hey, will you come sit with me for a bit?” Then you can put your arm around them so they can lean on you. Or alternatively, you can invite them to rest their head in your lap.
25. Stop and play.
Sit down and just play with your child for a few minutes—no smartphones, no multitasking. Follow your child’s lead, whether that’s building with LEGOs, coloring in a coloring book, or pretending all their stuffed animals are forming a democratic government. Or if they’re between play activities, invite them to join you in a board game or card game.
Here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages. The bestselling card game in our family-owned game shop is perfect for a quick dose of connection: Sleeping Queens. For older kids and teens, Love Letter is an all-time favorite for many families—and my personal favorite card game right now!
Sleeping Queens
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann
Love Letter
“My teen and tween love this quick little card game. To win, you need to rely on your deductive reasoning skills, plus a bit of luck. You can play a whole game in 20 minutes, but if you’re short on time, you can play one round in 5-7 minutes. But warning: Even when we set out to play ‘just one round,’ we always end up playing several!” – Tyler
26. Make a food smiley face.
For example, if your child has oatmeal for breakfast, add banana slices for eyes, a raisin for the nose, and a semicircle of honey for the smile.
27. Kick off a dance party.
Queue up your favorite playlist and have a family dance party. Research shows that listening to music together creates healthy family bonds and builds positive memories.
If you need some inspiration for your family dance party playlist, here are our favorite dance songs for kids with kid-friendly lyrics.
28. Give a surprise massage.
Walk up and rub your child’s shoulders for a minute or two, or give them a few back scratches.
29. Say “yes” to their next question.
Within reason, of course. Obviously, we can’t deliver on a pet unicorn! But when you make a conscious decision upfront to say “yes” to the next thing your child asks, you open your adult mind to fresh possibilities, and that’s good for you, too.
For example, the other night we were all getting ready to head out to dinner at a new restaurant, and I was running late. So of course, I decided to give myself a quick pedicure. One of my kids walked in just after I started and asked in a small voice, “Can you paint my toes too?” I started to say, “We don’t have…” but I caught myself and said “yes” instead. It took just a couple extra minutes, and I made her whole day.
30. Play their favorite song.
Whatever your child’s favorite song happens to be at the moment, play it for them while you’re in the car together or just hanging out at home. Especially if their favorite song or artist isn’t your favorite (and even more so if your child knows that it isn’t your fave!), this is a sweet gesture to show you love them and want to put a smile on their face.
If you don’t know their favorite song, you can ask first: “Hey, what’s your favorite song right now?”
31. Profess your love.
Think of something you love about your child, and tell them about it out of the blue. For example, if you’re in the car on the way to school or in the kitchen eating breakfast, you can say something like, “You know what I love about you?” Then be specific about what you love. The more specific, the better!
32. Reach a hand out.
No matter if you’re sitting next to each other on the couch, at the dinner table, or just hanging out in the kitchen chatting, reach a hand towards your child to invite them to hold hands. You can give a quick squeeze and let go, or you can hold on as long as your child seems to be enjoying the physical connection.
33. Put their work on display.
Pick out a recent piece of your child’s artwork or writing and display it somewhere prominent for others to see. You can pop it into a spare picture frame, or hang it on the wall with a pushpin. Alternatively, you can take a picture of it and make it your phone lock screen wallpaper.
34. Embrace your early bird.
If your child wakes up extra early, make the most of that one-on-one time when the rest of your home is quiet. You can have coffee or tea together (for young kids, make your child’s coffee 95 percent milk with a splash of coffee, then warm it up in the microwave), read a book or two together, or watch the sunrise.
35. Offer a piggyback.
A simple “Want a piggyback ride?” will put a smile on just about any kid’s face.
36. Be like the Tooth Fairy.
On a random day without a dental loss incident, sneak into your child’s room while they’re asleep and leave a treat or surprise under their pillow, like a piece of candy, a sheet of stickers, or even just a cool rock you found. For my older kids and teens, I’ve left a Starbucks gift card that I wasn’t planning to use myself, a lottery ticket, or a new lip balm when I know they ran out.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
37. Let them know you see them.
Everyone wants to feel seen, heard, and understood—even kids. To do that for your child, simply acknowledge their actions, choices, or effort on something, then share a few encouraging words.
For example, you could say, “You didn’t know how to draw a dog, then you came up with a plan to watch a video tutorial. You came up with that solution all on your own.” For more inspiration, here’s a list of the best 125 encouraging words for kids.
38. Give them an epithet.
That word sounds kinda fancy, but it just means “a term you use to characterize a person or thing.” For example, one of my kids loves to stay in her pajamas all day on the weekends. So one day as I walked by her, I stopped, smiled, and said, “My pajama-loving child.” She beamed.
To show your child you see them and accept them for who they are, take one of their characteristics or something they enjoy and turn it into an epithet like I did with “pajama-loving.” Epithets could also include your child’s name, like “Sierra the Scrabble Whiz” or “Miles, Big Brother Extraordinaire.”
39. Start a game of chase.
Or if chase isn’t feasible, go for another childhood classic game like hide-and-seek or duck duck goose. Pro tip: When playing hide-and-seek with a younger child, they’ll love it if you pretend their hiding place is so good you can’t find them.
40. Ask about big dreams.
As parents, we often have our own ideas about what we want our kids to achieve or work towards. To show your child their thoughts and feelings matter, ask them to share their hopes, dreams, and goals—and just listen. Here are a few questions to help get your child talking:
- What will you be doing in 10 years?
- If you could be the best in the world at something, what would it be?
- If you could start a company that made something, what would that be?
- What is one thing you want to learn how to do?
- How would you change the world if you could?
- What’s something you enjoy doing that you want to keep doing when you’re a grown-up?
- What do you think your life will be like in the future?
- Imagine us sitting together 1/3/5 years from now, when you’re xyz years old. What does your/our life look like?
Bonus: If your child expresses a dream that you can help set into motion—for example, if they want to be an artist or work with animals—brainstorm something small you can do to help them along that path. For aspiring artists, you could pick up some blank canvases and a new paint set. Or for kids who love animals, you might find a fun Outschool class about animal care or a colorful book from the library.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
41. Play a sweet song.
If you know of a song that makes you think of your child, queue it up, then say: “Hey listen to this, it makes me think of you.” If you don’t have a song like this yet, check out The Best 20 Love Songs for Kids: Approved by Parents and Kids.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
42. Tell a joke.
The cornier, the better! If you can’t think of any, these two joke books are our favorites, and they’re both super inexpensive: Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids and Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids. (If you like those, this author has a ton of joke books for even more ideas!) My kids also enjoyed this full-color book of kids’ jokes from National Geographic.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
43. Let them hear you brag.
If your child did something helpful or kind recently, tell your partner or another adult about it while your child is in earshot.
Bonus tip in case you missed it earlier in this article: Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. That’s because your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.
For more ways to recognize kids for helpful behavior, check out The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work.
44. Ask them to guess how big your love is.
Say to your child, “Guess how much I love you!” and they might react a couple different ways:
- If they hold out their hands or arms to guess how much: For example, my preschooler throws his arms out wide and says “This much!” Then say, “Nope. I love you more!” and come up with a silly estimate of how much you love them, like “I love you all the way to the moon and back to our house” or “I love you more than peanut butter loves jelly!”
- If they say “I don’t know” or just smile: Jump straight to giving a silly estimate for how much you love them, like “I love you more than more than all the fish in the sea” or “I love you more than cupcakes love sprinkles!”
For extra inspiration, check out the “I love you more than…” item in 50 Meaningful + Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child.
- Ages: Toddler to elementary
45. Rough-house.
Yes, even with girls! Research shows this kind of play builds emotional intelligence and brings joy for kids. For example, you can have a “foot war” by sitting on opposite sides of the couch and putting your feet together, then pushing to see who can get the other person to bend their knees first.
46. Let them prove you wrong.
If your child says something you’re not sure is right, instead of flat-out correcting them or telling them you think they’re wrong, say, “Huh. That’s the first I’ve heard that! I’d love to learn more. Wanna look it up online with me?” If it turns out they’re right after all, thank them for teaching you something new.
This happens all the time with animal facts in my family! One of my kids will pick up some interesting tidbit from a documentary or a book, share it at the dinner table, then we end up following a rabbit trail to learn more. As a side benefit, this has also helped my kids learn that you can’t just blindly trust one source of information.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
47. Embrace your silly side.
Do something off-the-wall silly to surprise your child. To really ham it up, you can first fix a stern look on your face and tell your child you need to talk to them. They might act a little worried, but that’s okay because it won’t last! Sit down on the couch facing them, then do something silly. A few examples for you:
- Bust out a can of Silly String and start spraying it—then hand them a can so they can join in. Or for a fun alternative, try squirt guns.
- Confess that you don’t have plans for dinner and the fridge is pretty empty, so you’re really, truly sorry, but you’ll have to have pancakes for dinner.
- Explain that you’re very concerned because you just realized your family doesn’t have a secret handshake yet, and that will not stand. Then invent one together.
- Announce that from this moment forward, it will officially be Backwards Day—if you can plan ahead, snag The Backward Day picture book from the library and start by reading it together. Or if Backwards Day is too much to keep up with, announce that tonight, you’ll have Backwards Dinner. Start with dessert, then the main course, then an appetizer like soup or salad. But just for fun, hold back some dessert to have at the end! You can also do Backwards Dinner as an outing, where you pick up something small for dessert at one place (like a candy bar from a gas station or an ice cream cone from an ice cream shop), then drive to another place for the main course (like fast food or pizza), and so on.
- Tell your child you had a bad day at work and you really want to build a fort to hide in and eat ice cream, but you have no idea where to start on building. They’ll jump at the chance to help! Especially if it means everyone gets ice cream at the end. (Side note: My kids love this build-a-fort kit. My 10-year-old told me, “This is the best present you’ve ever gotten us!”)
The sillier you are, the more your child will love it. Even teenagers! They might smirk or roll their eyes in the moment, but you’re demonstrating that it’s okay to be silly and childlike, even when you’re a grown-up.
48. Draw a bath.
Make your child feel special by starting a bubble bath for them just because. Baths can help kids calm down from a stressful day, just the same as adults.
49. Sing to them.
You can be silly and make up a nonsensical song about what you love about your child, then ham it up as you belt it out. I’ve found the “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” tune works well, like “Charlie Charlie, I love you. You’re an expert on the zoo.” As another example, I sometimes sing the Scooby Doo song but with my child’s name. So instead of “Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you? We got some work to do now,” I sing “Bailey Bailey Boo, where are you…” and get silly from there.
Or for a sweeter moment like when you’re cuddling before bedtime, you can quietly sing a favorite lullaby from when they were younger.
50. Be a drill sergeant.
This is silly, but kids eat. it. up.
- Using your best drill sergeant voice, call out “Private, fall in! Line up for your inspection!”
- If this is your first time doing this, your kid will be puzzled at first, but if they’re slow to move, stay in character: “You heard me! This is a surprise inspection, so line up!”
- When your child is finally standing in front of you, they might be giggling, so you can ham it up: “Get it together, private!”
- Then comes the fun part: “Now, present your dimples for immediate inspection!” If your child doesn’t have dimples, replace that with anything special about them, like your funny bone, kind heart, big sister face, button nose, Bambi eyes, strong arms, and so on.
- Put one of your eyes up close to whatever you’re “inspecting” and take your time studying it.
- Eventually, stand up straight and narrow your eyes and proclaim the results: “You passed inspection for now, but let this be a lesson to you. If there are any shenanigans next time, you’ll have to drop and give me 20!”
If the idea of pretending to be a drill sergeant for 10 minutes doesn’t float your boat, that’s okay! Instead, you could pretend to be a head cheerleader judging auditions for their squad, a pirate interviewing new crew mates, or Dr. Bravestone from Jumanji evaluating his team members. (Don’t forget to smolder!)
- Ages: Preschooler to elementary
51. Bring them fuel.
If your child or teen is studying for a test or has a bunch of homework they’re stressed about, make them a special snack and deliver it to them so they feel cared for while they work. This also works well even if they’re wrapped up in something that’s not stressful, like if they’re in the zone creating art or immersed in a good book.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
52. Slow down at bedtime.
Too often as parents, we end up rushing through the bedtime routine because we’re exhausted and ready to collapse on the couch for some adult time. Show your child you love them (even when you’re tired) by turning out the lights and snuggling with them in bed for a few minutes. Here are a few ideas for simple bedtime rituals that will make your child feel loved:
- Chat about their favorite part of their day (and yours)
- Ask them to tell you a bedtime story
- Rub their back, massage their head, or scratch their back
- Draw letters or shapes on their back for them to guess
- Ask them what they think they’ll dream about
- Tell a story from their childhood (or yours)
- Just be quiet and relax together
- Before you turn out the lights: Read a bedtime story that will help them calm down
As a bonus, research shows that parental warmth can also help your child sleep better, from toddlers to teens—and some evidence points to parental affection and warmth at bedtime helping kids sleep longer.
15 Minutes to an Hour
If you find yourself with a small pocket of time, these simple actions will demonstrate your unconditional love for your child.
1. Go outside.
You can go on a quick walk, play catch, or hop on your bikes for a ride around the block. Without the distractions of daily life at home, your child may open up and share their heart with you while you’re on the move.
2. Reminisce together.
Invite your child to sit on the couch with you and look through family photo albums, even if it’s just the albums on your phone. Whether you look at their baby pictures or pictures from when you were a child, kids love a trip down memory lane. For bonus points, throw in a few childhood stories.
3. Leave a smidge early.
On a regular weekday, wake up a little earlier and get ready as fast as you can to give you 15 minutes of bonus quality time with your child. For example, if you drive your child to school, you can leave 15 minutes earlier and stop by a playground to swing together (but first set a timer for when it’s time to go so it doesn’t turn into a power struggle!).
Or if you homeschool, you can head out together for a leisurely 15-minute walk around the neighborhood before you come back to get started on school for the day. Follow your child’s lead and go along for the ride while they stop to inspect bugs, collect rocks, or pick flowers.
4. Trade a journal.
Get a shared journal designed for kids and parents, then write back and forth to each other. When you’re done with your turn, leave the journal on your child’s pillow. That’s their cue to fill it out and leave it on your pillow next. I’ve done this with my three oldest kids, and I can’t wait until my youngest is old enough for it. Sharing a journal with my children has deepened our relationships, and it made my children feel special and worthy of my time and attention, which is always in limited supply.
From a mother to a child, this mother-daughter journal or this journal for mothers and sons will give you a magical way to get your child to open up about what’s going on so you can stay connected. From dads to kids, check out this father-daughter journal or this journal for dads and sons. For more journal ideas, check out 10 Best Journals for Kids to Boost Their Emotional Intelligence.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
5. Share a late-night snack.
If your child is having trouble sleeping and keeps getting out of bed, sidestep the power struggle and make them a late-night snack instead. The snack doesn’t have to be groundbreaking—just make toast with butter, a bowl of cereal, or a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. No matter what you make, fixing a snack and sitting with your child while they eat will make them feel cared for.
6. Celebrate their accomplishments.
After they finish a stressful test or project for school (even if they didn’t get an A!), do something small to celebrate it being done and over with. Likewise if they achieve something they’re proud of, help them celebrate it. You can go out for ice cream, stop at a gas station for their favorite candy bar, or let them pick dinner.
And don’t forget to verbally acknowledge their accomplishments, too. For inspiration, head to 110 Powerful Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
7. Make art together.
Invite your child to sit down with you and get creative. You can color in a coloring book, make a collage using old magazines, or watch how-to-draw videos and follow along together. Not only is creating art important for your child’s development, but it’s also been shown to impact health by reducing stress and anxiety, increasing positive emotions, and reducing the likelihood of depression.
8. Get back in bed.
One morning, instead of getting sucked into the hustle and bustle of your morning routine, invite your child to join you in your bed to eat breakfast in bed, drink a cup of hot chocolate, or read a couple picture books. Your routine will still be there after you slow down for a few minutes.
9. Ask for help.
When you ask your child to help you with something, they feel important and valued. Even so, it helps to be careful with your tone so it feels like you’re asking for special one-on-one time and not nagging them to do a chore! For example, you can ask for help with planning out dinners for the week, fixing something around the house, checking your math while paying bills, getting dinner started, making a bucket list of family vacations you want to take, and so on.
Case in point: A few evenings ago, my 8-year-old walked up while I was sorting mail, then pointed to a bill and asked what it was. I said, “It’s a bill…wanna pay it for me?” She lit up. For the next 20 minutes, she was on my laptop paying three bills, while I talked her through the steps. Not only did she feel valued, but she picked up a new life skill, too!
10. Co-view something they love.
If your child has a favorite television show or movie, join them on the couch and watch it together. As an added bonus, research shows that when you watch something with your child and chat about what you’re watching together—known as “co-viewing”—you increase your child’s literacy skills, boost empathy, and even mitigate the negative effects of certain kinds of screen time like violent scenes in movies and TV.
11. Give them a coupon.
Get my printable coupon book for kids and present it to your child. Every coupon is like an I.O.U. for a fun experience that your child can cash in on later. Your child will love calling the shots, and you’ll get to go along for the fun ride too. As an alternative, you can print out one specific coupon and give that to your child.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
12. Bake something.
Work together to make a special treat like muffins or cookies, and your child will get a double whammy of your love: the time you spend together in the kitchen plus the delicious manifestation of that time well spent. (My trusted source for the yummiest recipes is Smitten Kitchen.)
Even if baking isn’t your bag, you can make a special treat like these next-level Rice Krispie treats or whip up a batch of homemade ice cream.
13. Send snail mail.
Kids love when they get something in the mail that’s addressed to them! Write a letter or make a card for your child, then add a stamp and drop it in a mailbox.
If you’re not sure what to write, tell them something you love or appreciate about them, or you can say something simple like: “I love you and wanted you to know I was thinking of you.” When your child gets that surprise in the mail, they’ll feel special and loved.
14. Give them a ride.
If your child takes the bus to school, pick a day to surprise them by driving them to school instead. Or if the school is within walkable distance, walk together and chat along the way.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
15. Game with them.
If your child enjoys playing video games, join them in a game sometime. While I was researching this article, so many adults called this out as a time they felt like their parents cared about them—when they took the time to join in on a favorite video game, just because their child loved it.
Ask your child to teach you how to play their favorite game, then while you play, make conversation about what they love about the game. Bonus: Odds are if you’re not a gamer yourself, you’ll stink at the game at first, and your child will be tickled to be better at something than you are, for once.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
16. Eat on the floor.
Instead of eating dinner at the table like normal, set up an indoor picnic on your living room floor. All you need is a big blanket! To make this even more special, turn on a family-friendly movie to watch while you eat.
17. Nurture their independence.
When you trust your child with a grown-up task, they feel loved. For example, you can ask your child to walk to the mailbox and grab the mail, use cash to pay for something at a store (my kids love to swipe the credit card too!), or deliver something to your neighbor like a package mistakenly delivered to you or a plate of cookies to share.
Another idea my kids have adored: When you’re running errands, ask them to be the navigator—hand your phone over to them so they can use the maps app and tell you where to go next.
For older kids and teens, you could ask them to walk to the neighborhood store and pick up something you need, or if you don’t have a store within walking distance, they can run inside while you wait in the car. When teens start learning how to drive, you can ask them to start the car on cold mornings, back the car out of the driveway, or pull the car around if it’s parked far away.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
18. Hand your time over.
Say, “It just so happens I have 30 minutes free right now, and I’d love to spend it with you. And you get to decide: What do you want to do?” Kids rarely get to be in charge of what happens next, so they love this simple role-swap.
19. Check out a book.
Find a book at the library that your child might enjoy, then check it out and leave it for them to discover in their room along with a simple note like, “I saw this and thought you might like it!”
For example, if you have a young child who loves dinosaurs, check out a book about dinosaurs with colorful pictures. Or if your child has been enjoying graphic novels, find one with great reviews and check it out as a surprise for them.
20. Pile into bed.
Pick any time of day and climb into your bed and cuddle together for a few minutes. My favorite time to do this is after school as a sort of reset button after the stresses of the day. You may be surprised at what your child opens up about after a few minutes of shared quiet!
21. Let them choose dessert.
When you’re at the grocery store together, give your child an “allowance” of a certain amount of money to pick out whatever treat they want to bring home for the family to share after dinner. Don’t try to influence what they pick—let them enjoy the experience of having complete autotomy over this low-stakes decision.
22. Give them flowers.
Pick a few wildflowers or buy a small bouquet, then give them to your child to keep in their room.
23. Fold their laundry.
If your child usually folds their own laundry, folding it for them can be a sweet gesture once in a while, especially if they’re going through a particularly busy or stressful stretch with school.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
24. Go exploring.
Hop in the car together and let your child tell you which direction to go next. Every time you stop at an intersection, prompt them to pick which way to go: left, right, or straight. If you end up somewhere you’ve never been before that looks fun, get out and explore. You might even discover a favorite new spot, like a scenic hiking trail, a yummy lunch spot, or some cute shops to browse.
25. Share what you know.
Say to your child, “Have I ever told you about my secret for xyz?” where xyz is some hack or trick you know.
For example, if you have a particular way you like to fold towels or load the dishwasher, pass that along to your child. (Pro tip: Adopt a playful tone so it doesn’t feel like nagging them about chores!) Or if you have a go-to trick for amazing chocolate chip cookies or the best spaghetti sauce, let your child in on the secret. Whatever you’re the best at, teach them that.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
26. Treat them after school.
If your child has a favorite after-school snack or a favorite treat, surprise them with it when you pick them up from school or when they get home. After a long day at school, a special treat they weren’t expecting will let them know you care.
27. Bend the rules.
Eat pancakes for dinner (with sprinkles on top!), have a day where everyone stays in their pajamas all day, or let your child stay up a little bit later than normal and play a board game or card game together. If you need ideas for quick games, here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages. (The bestselling card game in our family-owned game shop is perfect for a quick round before bedtime: Sleeping Queens. For older kids and teens, Love Letter is an all-time favorite for many families—and my personal favorite card game right now!)
Sleeping Queens
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann
Love Letter
“My teen and tween love this quick little card game. To win, you need to rely on your deductive reasoning skills, plus a bit of luck. You can play a whole game in 20 minutes, but if you’re short on time, you can play one round in 5-7 minutes. But warning: Even when we set out to play ‘just one round,’ we always end up playing several!” – Tyler
An Hour or More
If you can afford to carve out an hour or more, these powerful gestures will delight your child and make them feel loved.
1. Surprise them at school.
Pick a random school day and meet your child for lunch. Bring their favorite meal, even if it’s fast food. Or for a smaller treat, bring a cookie, a piece of chocolate, or another surprise dessert.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
2. Bring them to work.
Pick a day when your child doesn’t have anything important going on at school, or pick a day that’s a school holiday. Then bring them to work and show them what you do every day.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
3. Make their favorite meal.
This works especially well when their favorite meal is something that’s not in your regular rotation. For example, one of my kids loves having crêpes for dinner, but we don’t do that very often. So when I want to make her feel loved and special, it’s an easy win!
4. Invite them along.
When you run errands, you might be in the habit of leaving your child at home with another caretaker (or alone if they’re old enough) so you can get through your list faster. Instead, pick a day to invite your child to join you on your errands. Sure, your errands might take a bit longer, but the time together will give you lots of opportunities for meaningful conversations with your child. (If you’re not sure what to ask, try one of these tried-and-true conversation starters for kids.)
To make this experience extra-special, add a stop for a treat from your favorite coffee shop (my kids love the cake pops from Starbucks!) or any place where they can pick out a piece of candy to enjoy during your errand time.
5. Hide your phone.
Pick a morning or afternoon when you’ll be with your child and put your phone in a drawer so you can focus on connecting and being in the moment together. Research shows that parents frequently spending time with a child without being on their mobile device has a positive impact on the child’s emotional intelligence.
6. Schedule a Do Nothing Day.
Pick a weekend day and forget the errands you’ve been meaning to run, throw your to-do list out the window, and schedule absolutely nothing. Tell your child you have nothing you have to do, so you can do whatever you want all day, then ask them what they want to do.
On your Do Nothing Day, you could bust out a jigsaw puzzle to solve together, bake something yummy for breakfast, or build an epic fort using cardboard boxes, sheets, and Christmas lights. Some parents use our Family Connection Cards on their Do Nothing Days and pick one random card to do together.
Whatever you decide to do, take your time and enjoy being together because this isn’t about marking something off your to-do list.
7. Grow your brains together.
Think of something your child has expressed interest in, like geocaching, photography, a musical instrument, and so on. Then make a plan to learn about it together. You can take a virtual class on Outschool, find an in-person class, or just binge a bunch of Youtube videos.
You’ll show your child that you pay attention when they tell you about something they’re interested in, plus the shared experience of learning together will make you feel closer.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
8. Let them pick a spot.
Tell your child you need to run errands and get them in the car ready to go. But when it’s time to hit the road, say, “You know what? I don’t feel like running errands today. Is there anywhere you’d like to go instead?”
Whether they want to go to the park or the ice cream shop, follow their lead, and they’ll be delighted that you’re listening to how they want to spend their time with you. (And if you do need to run errands, you can still do that afterward!)
9. Forage for dinner.
Tell your child you don’t have anything figured out for dinner, so you’ll need to forage for something. Look through the pantry, fridge, and freezer with your child, and cobble together a meal of whatever looks good.
Oatmeal, yogurt, and raspberries? Sure! Pringles, pepperoni, and peanuts for dinner? Why not? Toast, hummus, and baby carrots? Go for it!
Anything goes, so instead of saying “no” to what your child picks out, try saying “yes, and…” to round out their meal. For example, if they say, “Can I have Pop Tarts?” you can say, “Yes! And since that will cover your carbs, how about something with protein like a handful of almonds?” Also, you don’t both have to eat the same thing, so if what they pick out doesn’t sound great to you, you can pick something else out for yourself.
If you enjoy foraging, you can turn Forage Night into a weekly family tradition, which will save you one night of figuring out what to make for dinner!
10. Give a clean slate.
Many kids feel overwhelmed by a messy room and aren’t sure where to start tidying up. If that describes your child, consider cleaning their room for them as a special gesture of your love. If you don’t like the idea of doing it for them, block off a couple hours and tackle it together so your child doesn’t have to struggle through it alone.
11. Ask them out on a date.
Set aside time just for the two of you to do something special. For example, you can head to your neighborhood coffee shop, then treat yourselves to a fancy drink—coffee for you, hot chocolate or juice for your child.
For one-on-one date ideas, check out 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond. If you have more than one child and you want to make this a routine, you can alternate weeks or pick one day a month to reserve for each child’s one-on-one date.
12. Throw a party, just because.
You could throw an “It’s Friday” party, a “Rainy Day” party, or even a “We Had a Fight But We Still Love Each Other” party. But remember: A party without cake is just a meeting. (By the way, this Mom’s Apple Cake recipe might just be my favorite cake of all time.)
13. Show up.
Make a plan to attend your child’s concerts, ball games, dance recitals, and science fairs. Whatever their hobbies or interests are, be there.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
14. Give them a day off.
Let your child take a mental health day off school, and you’ll send the message that they’re loved and important. The day off can help protect your child from the harmful effects of stress because studies consistently show that rest is essential for dealing with stress. In fact, rest makes you more persistent and productive by working with your brain instead of against it.
Pro tip: Before doing this, make sure your child doesn’t have any big tests, quizzes, or projects due that day. And if you can’t afford a full day, you can pick your child up an hour or two early from school and go do something fun from this list.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
15. Sneak out for breakfast.
At night, tell your child you’ll wake them up early and just the two of you will go out to breakfast before anyone else in the family is awake. They might be so excited they decide to sleep in their clothes! You’ll bond over tiptoeing and acting like a secret agent as you sneak out. You can pick up something like breakfast tacos or donuts, or go to a sit-down breakfast joint.
If you have a partner and/or other kids at home, don’t forget to bring something back to share with them!
16. Follow their interests.
If your child mentions that they’re interested in trying archery, set up a lesson to surprise them. If they love bunnies, take them to a bunny rescue shelter to pet the bunnies. If they seem intrigued by ballet, find an intro to ballet Youtube video to do together.
Whatever their current interest is, encourage them to explore it in a low-stakes way. They’ll feel like you care about their happiness, plus you’ll help them discover their true passions.
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
17. Host a sleepover.
But instead of hosting your child’s friends for a sleepover, invite your child to bring a sleeping bag and sleep in your room for the night, or vice versa. Then do everything you’d do on a typical sleepover—eat yummy snacks, watch a fun movie, and stay up late talking in the dark.
18. Set up a friend date.
Invite one of your child’s friends over to hang out for an afternoon, or offer to take them somewhere fun like a playground or a movie. Warning: For older kids and teens, make sure to get your child’s buy-in on this first so you don’t unintentionally step into in-progress friend drama!
19. Let them pick dinner.
Ask, “If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would it be?” Then make it happen. If you need ingredients, head to the grocery store together and pick them out. If your child isn’t sure what they want for dinner, sit down with a cookbook or two and browse until you find something they’re interested in.
For a fun twist on this, you can ask them what they want for dessert tonight—banana splits, root beer floats, brownies fresh from the oven with ice cream on top, or anything else.
20. Start something new.
Invite your child to help you start a new family tradition together. You can browse through this list of the best family traditions to nurture your family bond, then let them pick one that sounds fun to try out. When your child is grown, the traditions you create now are likely to become some of their favorite memories.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
21. Cancel something.
You know that feeling when a meeting gets rescheduled or an appointment gets moved, and you get the gift of reclaimed free time? Give that same gift to your child.
If they have an appointment or other scheduled activity that they don’t seem jazzed about, move it as a surprise, then encourage them to use that time however they’d like to.
- Ages: Elementary to teen
22. Declare a yes day.
Announce to your child that today is their yes day, then all day long, say “yes” when you’d usually say “no.” Can I have a piece of chocolate? Yes! Can we play a game? Yes! Can you teach me how to drive? Uhh…yes?
You don’t have to go to the extremes the parents in the movie Yes Day did, but a “yes day” can be a powerful way to show your child you love them. In fact, one of my kids once told me she didn’t care if she got any physical presents on her birthday. All she wanted was a yes day!
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
The Best Times to Show Your Child You Love Them
Let’s say you got your set of Family Connection Cards, and you set them up on your nightstand or bathroom counter as a visual cue. Awesome!
But…now what? You now have a handy collection of meaningful gestures of your unconditional love for your child, but when do you do them?
Here are a few ideas for how to work these loving gestures into your days:
- Surprise your child by saying their name out of the blue, then say a phrase from this list—even better if you bend down and get on their eye level first
- Pick a different activity to do at bedtime every night while tucking your child in
- If you’ve had a moment of disconnection like a disagreement or power struggle, reconnect by showing your child you love them with one of these gestures
- Start the day off well every morning with a different way of showing your love for your child
- When you notice your child seems sad or upset, pick something from this list
- If you notice your child struggling with something like homework or learning something new, try one of these gestures to give them a jolt of love and encouragement
Plus, here’s a bonus idea I love: Pick a week or a month and have your own personal “Love Challenge.” During a Love Challenge, you pick one new-to-you idea from this list every day and do it. You’ll surprise your child with fresh new expressions of your unconditional love, plus you’ll get to try out different ways to show your love and see what feels most meaningful to you and your child.
Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 75 Positive Words for Kids
Use this cheat sheet of positive phrases to show your child how much you love them.
- Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
- Hang your cheat sheet somewhere handy like the fridge. See the But First, Beware of This Gotcha section in this post for ideas on how to keep the reminder fresh and effective.
- Say a phrase to your child. A couple ideas for how to use the cheat sheet: You could set yourself a personal goal of a certain number of positive things to say to your child every day, or you could mark off each phrase as you use it and try to get through the whole list within a certain period of time.
Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:
Your Turn
What’s your best advice for how to show your child you love them? Share in a comment below!
