There are moments in life that divide everything into before and after. For me, that moment was losing my husband to suicide.
My unanswered phone calls led me to the devastating reality of never seeing my husband alive again. And suddenly, the life I knew no longer existed. People tell you grief comes in waves. What they don’t tell you is that sometimes it feels more like drowning.
I smiled when I could. I showed up when I had to. But underneath the surface, my heart was shattered. Where was God in all of this? To be perfectly honest, I didn’t just need encouragement. I needed God to rescue me from the darkness consuming my mind. I have been walking with Jesus as a believer for over 20 years, and the trauma of losing my husband rocked me.
The Hidden Pain Grief Brings to the Surface
Grief has a way of exposing wounds you didn’t even know were there. The emotions that surfaced for me were:
- Fear.
- Abandonment.
- Anger.
- Confusion.
- Hopelessness.
I realized I wasn’t only grieving the loss of my husband. I was battling tormenting thoughts, emotional triggers, and spiritual heaviness that kept trying to pull me deeper into despair. Every negative event from my entire life surfaced as a result of the grief. I felt overwhelmed and helpless.
That’s when the Lord began teaching me something life-changing through Scripture.
The Bible Verse That Changed My Healing Journey
One of the verses God used to transform my thinking was 2 Corinthians 10:4-5:
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
I began asking Jesus to show me the truth behind the pain I was carrying. What lies were being fed to me from the guilt, shame, and grief? I needed the truth, and I needed it fast. Turns out the process wasn’t fast, but it was worth it.
Slowly, God began healing my heart from the inside out. It was not overnight. And the revelation was not uncovered in a perfectly timed package, but it was gentle. That healing became the foundation for my devotional, When Grief Became My Gift: 40 Days of Gentle Healing Devotional.
When Grief Became My Gift
I wrote When Grief Became My Gift: 40 Days of Gentle Healing Devotional for the person who feels crushed by loss but still desperately wants hope. This isn’t a fluffy devotional filled with clichés.
This is for:
- The person crying on the bathroom floor.
- The person trying to survive another day.
- The person asking God, “How do I keep going after this?”
Inside this devotional, I share the exact practices, prayers, scriptures, and reflections that helped me encounter God in the middle of devastating grief.
Each day includes:
- A heartfelt devotional reading
- Scripture for healing and comfort
- Reflection questions
- Prayer prompts
- Declarations rooted in God’s Word
- Healing activations to help you process pain with Jesus
This devotional was born from my deepest heartbreak. But God used that brokenness to create something that could help others heal too.
Grief Doesn’t Mean God Has Left You
If you’re grieving right now, I need you to hear this: God is not intimidated by your pain. He is not distant from your questions. God is not angry about your tears. And He has not abandoned you in this season.
Psalm 34:18 says:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I clung to that promise when I felt like I could barely breathe. And if He carried me through unimaginable loss, He will carry you too. You are going to make it through this horrible pain the same way I did. Let grief become your teacher to show you what is in your heart.
A Gentle Invitation to Heal
Healing doesn’t happen by pretending you’re okay. It begins when you bring your brokenness before God and allow Him to reveal the truth, uproot the pain, and restore your heart little by little.
That is the journey behind writing my devotional called When Grief Became My Gift.
And if your heart is hurting today, I pray this devotional reminds you that even here… especially here… God is still near.
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