I found out I was pregnant in August. It was a shock to me and my partner. It’s unexpected and not planned. Last month has felt hectic mainly because I had to deal with nausea, constantly tired, I was put on bed rest which sucks, etc..
I’m a very active person and I enjoy running, riding my bike, HIIT, strength training with and without weights, etc..Exercising was a way for me to stay physically healthy and mentally healthy. I was told to stop taking my medications last month. At first, I didn’t experience a lot of symptoms from my mental health so I wasn’t too concerned. Some people had fewer symptoms from their mental health while pregnant. That is not the case with me. When I was put on bed rest I thought I could enjoy binging anime or shows or movies, playing games, and reading books. Possibly coloring in my app or adult coloring books. I have been dealing with anxiety over if the baby is okay and the future. I worry about if I will be a good mom or not. It’s hard for me to stay focused on things.
Last month and the start of this month has honestly been a struggle. My parents and family are excited about the pregnancy but I sometimes have mixed feelings about it. Even though I have had my ultrasound and over 10 positive pregnancy tests it still feels a bit unreal. I’m excited and very scared.
I have been able to binge-watch a few episodes of an anime and started watching Demon Slayer. Looked more into Wicca and read a little more into 26 Marathons by Meb Keflezighi.
I’m doing my best to start practicing self-care and self-love. My goals have changed but it’s okay. Some days it’s better than others and other days I feel sad that some of my plans have to change. I’m trying to forgive myself and not live in regret. I was able to complete a shift on Crisis Text Line recently and that made me feel amazing. I’m just trying to stay in the present and take it one day at a time. I’m hoping that I can get clear to start working out again and be put on some medications. I have walked slow and short and the good thing is I’m keeping my house cleaned. It’s the little things. I will get through this. I’m not a failure and I’m a work in progress.
