My struggle, your struggle- our strength – The Carpe Diem Life Blog

Can I be honest? Sometimes I get too tired for hope. Some days I don’t think I have any authority to tell you things will get better because I so badly need someone to tell me that too. Sometimes I’m at a standstill wondering who or what will help me get through the day. Sometimes I’m so anxious I won’t get on my phone to make those phone calls I needed to make or text my friends back from last week. There have been days I’m so deprived of happiness that I don’t use any of the tools I know could help, but I just sit still- feeling paralyzed by my own thoughts and feelings. The truth is I struggle, a lot. I know a lot of us do. And maybe you are reading this hoping I found the secret to finally defeat mental illness— but I still haven’t nor do I think I will. What I do have is a understanding that maybe you can find comfort in knowing your pain, suffering and heartache isn’t yours to go through alone. One day at a time feels like forever to a depressed person, but one day is all I really find hope in. One day that you give your absolutely ALL too and see what happens tomorrow.

Sometimes I get so sick of posting a scoop of “hopeful sprinkles” on top of life’s hardest things. Life is friggin hard and I can’t always be inspired by it. Truth is, I haven’t posted in more than a year because I struggled, hard. I struggled with myself and all life dealt me– like a worsening of my mental health, a journey with addictions, struggled with being a confident mom, with being who “they” wanted me to be and pretending I had it all together when I was hurting so bad and so far from being “me”. Actually, I struggled to know who I even wanted to be so I left jobs, switched states, changed habits… and still ended up depressed. I still needed my mental health medications daily. I stayed consistent with my psychiatrist appointments and still felt despair.

I have had a lot of moments where I was able to feel joy– and I try my hardest not to take those for granted. But depression works in mysterious ways and almost as soon as I recognize the joy I’m feeling; I simultaneously begin to wonder what’s wrong with me? Because happy moments don’t come without wondering when will it leave? When will the depression come back? Will the depression be worst? What if I can’t handle it? I find the most clever ways to mess up even the most joyful moments when I’m depressed.

See… Sometimes we are working so hard to be happy and forcing ourselves to believe if only I could get my dream job than I’d be happy. Or that perfect husband/wife, or beat my addictions, or find the right group of friends than finally I’ll be happy. But you know as well as I do that thinking like this only puts us on a vicious cycle of thoughts that don’t help our depression– but feed it.

And I know for me, sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve to be happy. I end up either self-sabotaging those brief happy moments or not loving them to their fullest potential because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of suffering. I’m afraid of suffering more than I can handle.

Finally, I can say it. I can type it and I can share it. I’m afraid of struggling, afraid of suffering, and afraid of failure. But maybe I’m not alone– maybe my struggle is similar to your struggle. Maybe we have common suffering, similar fears and relatable struggles.

I think, just maybe, that we have more in common than the endless battles for mental wellness. We can also find strength in each other through our common suffering. So today, I’m here just to share you aren’t alone even on your bad days. You aren’t alone and you aren’t wrong for feeling the way you do. Sometimes depression is hard to describe- what’s wrong? You can’t pinpoint the pain, you can’t describe it, you can’t just discuss what’s wrong because… You simply don’t know either. Life just feels extra daunting and hard and lonely and scary.

I can’t tell you these days will go away but I wish I could. I can’t tell you life gets easier because I don’t think that’s true. All I have to share is something that has gotten me through every bad day, hard year, and difficult situation– that is the fact that you can only do your best today. Don’t give up on your future, but just on those hard days— make a goal to do your best that day. Sit with your feelings and acknowledge them– not holding on to them and not ignoring them. Just remember a day is 24 hours and if you can deal with depression, I promise you can hang on for 24 hours. If today feels like the world is falling apart, remember nothing in this world is guaranteed and that means tomorrow can be your best day yet.

Just one day at a time and remember, YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS. Even if that hard thing is just getting through today — don’t ever discredit how much strength that takes.

I believe in you. Most importantly, you will believe in yourself one day at a time.