Experiencing suicidal thoughts can feel like you’re in a pit of despair, hopelessly trying to escape, but unable to find your way out. According to the CDC, suicide is a leading cause of death for youth and adults living in the U.S.
The first time I remember dealing with suicidal ideation was in middle school. I was severely bullied at school and living in a toxic and dysfunctional household. I began self-harming at age 11, and by 12, I’d made the first attempt at taking my life. I recently opened up in therapy about how alone I felt during this period. I expressed to my therapist how what I wanted more than anything was someone to show up for me. I was failed by so many people in my life.
Knowing how to support someone who’s experiencing suicidal thoughts is the first step toward guiding them to safety and hope.
Active and Passive Suicidal Ideation (SI)
Passive suicidal ideation occurs when a person feels like they’re better off dead, but doesn’t think about a specific plan to end their life. On the other hand, active suicidal ideation involves having thoughts of doing something to end one’s life. This could look like forming a plan or intent to take their life.
Recognizing the Signs of Suicidal Thoughts
The first step to helping someone who’s struggling is recognizing the signs. Often, these signs manifest in subtle shifts in mood, behavior, or language that can be overlooked. Paying attention to the following changes can make a life-saving difference.
Talking about wanting to kill oneself or searching for ways to do so.
Hearing someone say they want to die or that they’ve been looking up ways to end their life can be heavy. These words are usually a cry for help. Sit with the person, listen without judgment, and get immediate professional support if needed.
Feeling hopeless or experiencing unbearable pain.
When you’re in a dark place, hope can feel unreachable, like something buried under layers of pain and exhaustion. Your loved one may be at their breaking point, feeling like death is the only solution. Even if they don’t have a concrete plan, expressions of hopelessness are a warning sign that should be taken seriously.
Talking about being a burden to others.
Looking back, a major warning sign before every attempt was my constant talk of being a burden. When someone says they feel like a burden, they’re revealing a deep, isolating shame that convinces them everyone would be better off without them.
Withdrawing or isolating themselves.
The slow slide away from friends and family, missing calls, or canceling plans can be the person closing the door on people who care about them most. Reach out and keep checking in.
Losing interest in most things.
When the things that once lit someone up start to lose color, it’s often a sign that joy feels unreachable. The hobbies that once fulfilled them and small daily rituals suddenly feel distant. This is the weight of despair stealing away the spark that kept them connected to life.
Changes in eating or sleeping patterns.
Drastic shifts in appetite or sleep are often a sign that someone is struggling.
Extreme mood swings.
Intense swings from deep sadness to explosive anger or numbness can leave both the person and those around them confused and exhausted. These oscillations typically reflect inner chaos.
Increased drug or alcohol use.
Substance use is often a person’s way of trying to silence the pain. If you see a loved one leaning harder into drugs or alcohol, it’s a sign that they’re coping with unbearable feelings and need support.
End-of-life preparations.
Things like writing goodbye letters, giving away items, or making legal or financial arrangements can be quiet, final acts. If you’ve noticed these preparations, take immediate action to keep them safe.
Sudden improvement or relief.
Sometimes, when someone suddenly seems lighter after a long period of depression, it can look like progress, but it may actually be a warning sign.
Ways to Support Someone Experiencing Suicidal Thoughts
Listen Without Judgment
It’s imperative to create a safe space where they feel truly heard. Allow them to speak openly, without judgment. Don’t try to rush to fix or correct their feelings. It’s not always about giving advice; sometimes it’s simply about bearing witness to their experience with compassion. By listening without judgment, you’re showing them their feelings matter and that they don’t have to carry the weight alone.
Ask Direct but Gentle Questions
It’s okay to ask if they’re thinking about suicide or feeling unsafe. These questions open the door for honesty. Asking direct questions shows them you care and that it’s safe to be vulnerable with you.
Validate Their Feelings
It’s important to take what they share with you seriously. Don’t dismiss their pain as just stress or compare their experiences to someone who may have it “worse”. Validating their feelings communicates that their suffering is real and deserving of support.
Stay Calm and Present
When someone shares thoughts of suicide, it can be terrifying. This isn’t the time to panic. Instead, your grounded presence is what may help the most. Take a deep breath, maintain a soft voice, and stay with them. Sometimes the gift of presence speaks louder than any words.
Remove Immediate Dangers
If you know someone is at risk, help limit access to lethal means, such as firearms, medications, or other harmful tools. Small steps, such as locking away medication or holding onto items that could be used in a crisis, can save a life.
Help Them Connect to Professional Help
The reality is, there’s only so much you can do, and sometimes the most meaningful way to help is by encouraging professional support. This might mean suggesting a crisis line, helping them find a therapist, or even reaching out with them.
Offer Practical Support
When someone is facing mental health challenges, daily life can feel unbearable. Offering to cook a meal, run errands, wash dishes, or sit quietly by their side can lift a heavy weight. This shows them they don’t have to carry everything on their own.
Keep Checking In
Continue to reach out with texts and calls. Consistent check-ins remind them that they’re not alone, that someone cares, and their life matters. Small gestures of connection can provide hope and a lifeline.
Take Care of Yourself Too
Supporting someone in crisis can be heavy. It’s okay to take breaks, lean on your support system, and set boundaries when needed. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and caring for yourself allows you to be present for the person who needs you.
Holding Space in Times of Crisis
Supporting someone through suicidal ideation can feel overwhelming, and it’s normal to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. But even small acts can be life-saving. Your presence, patience, and compassion remind them that they are seen, valued, and not alone in their pain. In moments of despair, your care can be the anchor that keeps them from letting go.
