In love there should be no rule book – The Mental Well-Being Coach

One day, over a decade ago, I was going through a list of reasons why I thought my relationship was going to come to an end. I had a list of things that just weren’t right.

He should be more …
I should be more …
He makes me so …
I shouldn’t feel so …
He could be less …
Etc

I looked at the list and realised I’d written a rule book for how our relationship “should” be.

We all have these rule books, consciously or unconsciously, they’re there. We have them for all our relationships. They are there in the should and could statements we make all the time.

What I had lost sight of at this dark time in our relationship was that we were together because we loved each other. When our relationship began all those years ago that was all that mattered so what had changed?

The answer was nothing! We’d just lost sight of the point of choosing to be with someone. The only point is to have someone there to love. To have someone in our lives that we can love. When you buy a dog or a cat, you don’t require them to fulfil your needs for you, you buy them to shower your love on them. It is the same for the partners we choose in life.

So what did I do?

I threw away the rule book and concentrated on just loving my partner for who he is and for how I feel when we spend quality time together. Sure, life is messy and we can’t always be in sync on everything, but the question should always be… do I still choose to love this person?

This Valentine’s Day, make a list of all the things you love about your partner. The silly things! Look at them and remind yourself that they are in your life for you to love, and vice versa, that is all. Love is the only requirement.